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Fan Fic Pick of the Week (May 10 - May 16)

 
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:44 am    Post subject: Fan Fic Pick of the Week (May 10 - May 16) Reply with quote

Well if you thought things were light last week, they are only a feather weight this week with only three entries. That said I don’t mean to imply these stories are all feather weights in fiction, far from it.

This week we had the following submissions:

Stars by A Halo Fan...atic

Stars vividly follows the last moments of Lieutenant Commander Oscar J. Sanchez, XO of the UNSS Sagittarius who is tormented by the deaths of those around him in a very emotional piece. A must read.

Artificial Intelligence by Useful Dave

Artificial Intelligence is a first person narrative following the exploits of AI 4598 or “Irene” as she preferred to be called. In a series of events, Irene finds herself partnered with SPARTAN-C17 on a solo mission to destroy a Covenant outpost on the planet, Tyranos IX.

Fall of New Mombasa Part 6 by Havoc 101

This is the sixth instalment of Havoc’s longest series with little sign of stopping yet. This particular chapter follows directly on from where the previous instalment finished. With Sergeant Mitchell leading his Marines against the Brutes and Retre fleeing to another ship.

Now onto the matter at hand.

Fan Fiction Pick of the Week:

Stars by A Halo Fan...atic

I was shocked when I first read this piece. It was outstanding. From the moment I first read the detailed and disturbing description of Bernardo’s death, I knew I couldn’t stop reading. I can’t really say much about it. My only gripe was the first paragraph needed to be broken up a little more and had the smallest typo. Other than that it’s another great piece of fiction from Fanatic, very emotional and well worth your time to read.

Honourable Mention:

Artificial Intelligence by Useful Dave

It’s a pretty interesting story. Although the story “tells” far more than it “shows”. There was definitely some interesting thought in some of the conversations. Particularly the subjects chosen.

However, I did find that the dialogue seemed very robotic. Dave, you really need to expand upon your conversations. The endless Q&A style is rather boring and at times, confusing. You should break it up with actions or further observations by the character. Like the simple sigh, a pause, a scratch, e.g.

To get a feel for this sort of description of conversation between characters, the next time you talk to anyone for any length, take note of their body language, are they paying attention? How do you know they are paying attention? Are they looking at you in the eyes or are they avoiding eye contact? However trivial these actions may seem in the real world, it is these details that make your world of fiction seem real.

Well worth a read.
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Phædrus
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Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, thank'ee for the fic pick, though with only three entries, one of which was obvious crap (Mombasa), that's not much of an accomplishment. Razz
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 435
Location: UNSC Frigate September

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work, Phae, and schirm for writing this up. You too, Dave. It's good to see a new writer here getting on a regular posting schedule.

So, is anyone gonna post the link to this over at the HBO forums?
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 9:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Phædrus wrote:
Well, thank'ee for the fic pick, though with only three entries, one of which was obvious cr*p (Mombasa), that's not much of an accomplishment. Razz


Mate, I'd find it hard for that story to be out done on a good week. Great job.
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