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Halo 2: Chp 2 part 2 and Chp 3--The Road to Earth
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hboff
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2004 2:56 am    Post subject: Halo 2: Chp 2 part 2 and Chp 3--The Road to Earth Reply with quote

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Halo 2: Chp 2 part 2 and Chp 3--The Road to Earth
Posted by Mark Lieberg (Malieberg@msn.com)
24 November 2004, 11:24 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mark_lieberg.1124041124206.html
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the biggest thing that I saw was still the story line. It just doesn't make much sense to me.
Also, things moved by a little too quickly for my taste. Slow it down. make sure to use enough detail to convey all that needs to be. Smoothly and effectively.
Spell out numbers.
As far as I know, cryo tubes don't really supply you with sleep. if it was rest the guys were after, they would just have grabbed a few cots or something. At least, that's what I would do.
I'm sure MC has been through cryo more than twice.
Watch how you describe and narrate stuff there. You more just told us what was going on, you didn't show us through descriptives.
Work on making your flow more smooth, too.
Make sure not to get repedetive.
Keep that grammer in check.

Overall, it was okay, but you still have the same general mistakes that I have noticed in the past. Just work hard to improve. Use all the advice you were and are given.
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 10:27 pm    Post subject: ... Reply with quote

Aite Thanks MC. Well this is just like the begginning of the story line. I could tell what it is about. Just that it ia an Alternate Story of True Spartans. Thats what I like to call it. I will look for those numbers again. I thought i changed them. Well I always do what the people say so I will make sure my next post is good. Thanks Bye bye.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 12:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Grammar's become quite a problem there, Mark.

I think I can see where you're going with the plot. Unless you can implement a major twist, you could run out of ideas and fall into another "Earth Under Seige" Fick.

Remember, some parts need to be expanded on. Sentences that involve movement might need a little more detail.



The Chief walked towards the command chair, and sat down looking at the console trying to contact Earth. He tried everything to get it online, but it was worthless trying.




An inoperative radio is always a good Idea, Mark. That one was a thumbs-up. However, you're going to need some more detail around the radio to explain why the radio isn't working. Remember, the Command chair doesn't handle long-range communications. The Com op will.



[INDENT] The Chief strode toward the Communications station, easing his form into the thinly padded seat. Tapping the alphanumeric code for Earth's frequencies before fitting the headset over his temple, he spoke.
[INDENT] "Earth Platform 243-E, respond. This is Master Chief Petty Officer aboard UNSC cruiser Ghettysburg. Please respond."

[INDENT] The burping noise of static issued from the small speaker grille over the Spartan's temple. Moments later, a diagnostic panel blinked red, and a thin line of text scrolled across the monitor.
[INDENT]MAIN SHAW-FUJIKAWA ANTENNA INOPERATIVE: (Abort, Retry, Fail?)
C:\ComOps\ _


[INDENT] In frustration, the Chief placed the headset back on the desk. Without the main antenna, space communication was hopeless.




Try that. It'll give your reader a little more punch, and it'll give you a larger window of opportunity.

Good Luck.

- Dave.
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Spartan 056-Linda
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good story. I like it. BTW, how much time do you spend on stories? Like 3 hours? Or something like 2. At www.starcraft.org they usually take days.
056...out
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:35 pm    Post subject: asd Reply with quote

I am curiouse and you guys might think i am silly. But
What is BTW?
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 1:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BTW="by the way"

C.T. Clown
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spartan 056-Linda wrote:
Very good story. I like it. BTW, how much time do you spend on stories? Like 3 hours? Or something like 2. At www.starcraft.org they usually take days.
056...out


Well, to tell you the truth, I usually spend quite a long time. The idea drawing is finalized well before I even write.

That usually takes a month - even if it's a single story.

Then the writing process takes up to two weeks for one chapter.

Then the proofreading process can take a long time, normally a week or so.

The second draft is drawn up from the first. (Since I copy it by hand, not going "Control-C, Control-V" this can take a week for a single chapter.)

The second draft is finalized and proofread again. If it looks great, I spend a week in thought, weighing my work - if everything is realistic and probable, for example.

Then, it is placed on the Fan Fiction submission form, and submitted.

Then Louis Wu places it up when he's ready.


So, the writing process for one chapter takes almost six weeks, a month and a half. The idea part behind it takes a month, but that's a tooling-up cost and once it's over, it's over.

Then it takes a week to get it posted.


The reason it takes so long is because I have to fit in school, a band, and an extensive list of extracurricular activities around my busy day - so I have about half an hour to write every day.

But, I enjoy what I do.

So, you should too!

- Dave.
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Spartan 056-Linda
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, okay. Thanks for responding. StarCraft fanfic is just as good as Halo fanfic. If you like StarCraft, you would definetly like the stories based on it. This site and www.starcraft.org are very much the same. (Except for the high security)
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 7:34 am    Post subject: asdf Reply with quote

Well considering Dave didnt make this chapter. That is a very long time Dave. Well for me. Hehe might think i rush but remember i started this since Feburary or March.

This chapter i had to redo and all that cause of the events. It probably took my a few hours. Or it could be just 30 minutes. I cant really remmeber.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I remember that you DID have to work hard to redo several chapters. That was good.

Of course, with every chapter you add, you get a little bit better as you gain experience from it. When you read stuff, try to see any interesting stylistic devices that aren't trademarked, and incorperate them into your own stories - if someone uses simlie (Yes, that's spelled correctly, "simlie") and such, you could use it as well.

And maybe come up with your own trademark style.

My newest trademark style is soft and harsh diction - you'll notice I use words for their sounds in addition to their meaning. That's one reason why Tales from Master Chef's Bar and Grill takes so long. Solidus Snake's trademark style is when he describes something so much it seems magical, yet realistic at the same time. Those are only two examples.

Eventually, Mark, your trademark style will emerge.

- Dave.
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's 'Starcraft'?
I'll go to the link in a minute.

My stories are usually impulsive and don't take longer then a week at most. But soon that will change as my secret project goes underway...

Do I have a trademark style? (I'm guessing I don't, otherwise I'd know what it was. But maybe you guys have spotted something?)
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those Starcraft fics and so bad (considering I have no idea what it is)

One in particular is rubbish. I don't really want to get involved, but if someone is listening from there, tell Zergraider46, this list of spelling mistakes in the first.... 84 words:

horrrible = horrible
Asfar = As far
Mutilated = mutilated
bloodcurtaling = blood curtailing
moand = moaned
exausted = exhausted.

He spent days on this?
Looking at others that's hard to believe.

Actually some are brilliant, but some people are writing 'for' like 4 etcetera, and they're dragging you down.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Those Starcraft fics and so bad (considering I have no idea what it is)


That's meant to be "Those Starcraft fics aren't so bad (considering I have no idea what it is)"
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahh!

You've caught the n00b-virus too!


Quick, drink this glass of sticky pink stuff....

- Dave.
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