HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Priestess and the Warrior - Touchdown
Posted by Jillybean (jillybean@bungie.org)
5 May 2008, 1:51 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jillybean0505080151221.html

[Azathoth]

Unbef*ckinlievable. I thought I'd never see another one of these. It's been what, three years?

As usual, there's some minor errors in GPS, but in a series like this, I don't read for editing. The ability you have to make us care about the characters here - the sense that every one of them is a real person who you can feel for - is something very rare in authors of any kind. You've definitely got an amazing talent.

Welcome back.

[(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher]

This is a great story, and I'm very happy to see you post back.

I especially liked how you wrote the dialogue when you had Rtas and Keyes stand off to each other. The details were nice, and the dialogue was great, and I love it!

Congrats on a great chapter!
_________________

"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

[Commander Valois]

Absolutely speechless.
I've never seen your work, but everyone here should already know you've just earned a fan.
Personally, I would've been amused if 'Rtas went "Imran Zachaev to Gaz" mode and lodged a bullet in Keyes's skull, but that would just make a mess. Very well written, no mistakes I could see, and really think you should continue.
_________________
I have not been here in hella long time.

[kr1]

Add me to that list. I'd never read any of your work but heard a lot about it, and I'll be sure to go out of my way to do so in the future. Said a bit more about this in the Fic Pick, too.
_________________

[Jillybean]

For all those who haven't read it before - and for those who need to catch up - this is what I remember of the plot so far.

Orna 'Fulsamee is the only son of a mother with no apparent lineage and a father who, despite many years of long service, never rose in the ranks. He is enlisted into a military school through his sheer intelligence and talent, and soon settles in well with his peers of blood. At his father's funeral, he meets Hans 'Galatash, the Supreme Commander of the Covenant fleet. 'Fulsamee's father had once saved 'Galatash's life and the popular Supreme Commander had never forgotten. Taken with this young Sangheili, he sponsors him through the rest of his training. 'Fulsamee graduates with an award of general excellence, prestigious but ill received among those richer families. Hans 'Galatash invites 'Fulsamee to his grand home for a celebration party, teaches him the joys of Prophet's rum, and introduces him to his daughter - the remarkably beautiful and intelligent Fera 'Talsamee.

Meanwhile, Saia 'Jalahass, the eldest daughter of her mother's proud lineage, is admitted to train as a Priestess in the Sangheili convent. The High Priestess, Fera 'Kianall and the Prophet of Solitude tell her that she cannot see her family again until she has passed her first rites, which will take many years. Although 'Jalahass doesn't understand it, this is particularly painful for 'Kianall who misinterpreted the Forerunner and sent a Covenant squadron to their deaths. To atone, the High Priestess took a vow of Solitude, effectively cutting herself off from her mate - none other than Hans 'Galatash. 'Jalahass spends her formative years in the Covenant, witnessing the debauchery of young Zealots sneaking in with sixth level Priestesses, and the ridiculous ceremony that surrounds every prayer. Naturally contentious, she is often forced to pray as penance, but soon discovers that no great disaster befalls her when she doesn't mean her words. She sits her First Rites unusually early and with little preparation - stranded on a desert planet for seven weeks. There she discovers that no Forerunner are going to protect her and must fend for herself. When she finishes, she lies, telling the High Priestess that the Forerunner defended her. As most seventh level Priestesses do not survive their First Rites, 'Kianall knows she is lying. The joint deceit forges a bond between the two.

Orna 'Fulsamee is posted to Hans 'Galatash's ship, the Solemn Thunder. He becomes well liked by the senior Sangheili on board, who appreciate his matter-of-fact attitude. The older Sangheili know that the Brutes - who are rebelling against the Covenant's strict 'no female in battle' policy - do not care what lineage a Sangheili is from, they'll eat them all the same. On a diplomatic mission, 'Fulsamee's actions save the lives of the Prophets Wisdom and Fury. Unfortunately, a fellow Sangheili could not be saved and 'Fulsamee feels guilty despite his accolades. He is comforted by 'Galatash, who assures him he is not held responsible for his comrade. 'Galatash reveals that his daughter, Fera 'Talsamee, wants to marry Orna 'Fulsamee. As she is rich, she has no need of his dowry (non-existent) and he is flattered. Hans 'Galatash is delighted he will soon have his 'Brother' as a son.

Saia 'Jalahass as a sixth level Priestess is allowed out from the Covent to find her family much changed in her long absence. Their impersonal greeting tells her that they are prouder to have a Priestess in the family than a daughter. Her friend and mentor, Hera 'Solatta, is betrothed to a rich son. 'Solatta's family are happy to trade on their daughter's status as a sixth level Priestess for the young Sangheili's wealth, and she is forced to leave the convent, which is all she has known since a child. Realising that 'Solatta will be broken hearted to leave her only real home, and knowing that her own family's wealth saves her from a similar fate, 'Jalahass goes to the High Priestess, feigning a vision. Hera 'Solatta is saved from marriage and 'Jalahass waits for repercussions, but none come. She has used the Forerunner to her own end, and no ill has befallen her.

The youngest Prophet on the Hierarch, Truth, meets with Orna 'Fulsamee when he is being promoted. He attempts to second 'Fulsamee to the Honour Guard on the Hierarch, citing 'Fulsamee's achievements. He is blocked by Solitude, who insists the Supreme Commander has final jurisdiction over 'Fulsamee's posting. He comments that he suspects Truth's Brutes will protect him fine.

Fera 'Talsamee, a minor Councillor, contends with barbed comments from her fellows over her choice of mates. She is not deterred and fully intends to marry him in a ceremony presided over by her mother, the High Priestess.

Solitude brings news to 'Galatash that there is another race out among the stars, a race not among the Covenant. 'Galatash knows that the Covenant cannot fight another war when they are already struggling against the Brute rebels. Solitude is concerned as to why Truth is gathering so many of the finest Sangheili into the Honour Guard, and is concerned that Fera 'Talsamee is one of Truth's favourite Councillors.

Solitude goes to Saia 'Jalahass and the High Priestess, explaining that Orna 'Fulsamee must be protected from Truth. 'Jalahass fabricates another vision to say that 'Fulsamee's marriage to Fera 'Talsamee must be stopped. It is revealed to her that the High Priestess is dying, trying to live long enough to pass the mantle onto 'Jalahass, who is not under Truth's command.

Orna 'Fulsamee, being deeply religious, does what he must and marries 'Jalahass, despite Fera 'Talsamee's objections. Hans 'Galatash assures 'Fulsamee he is still a son. Despite himself, he enjoys 'Jalahass's company and likes her as a Sangheili, though the news of his dying mate, even estranged, upsets him.

'Fulsamee and 'Jalahass are unhappily married at first. She comes with 'Fulsamee on the Solemn Thunder to escort a dying Prophet to a holy place. They are attacked by Brute terrorists and the ship is destroyed, Tartarus being burned badly in the process. 'Jalahass eludes him and escapes in time, the experience bringing the mated couple into an alliance. This is destroyed when she admits she fabricated their vision. 'Fulsamee comes to terms with this by suggesting it was the Forerunner's will. 'Jalahass extrapolates that then there is no free will, and the Forerunner arbitrarily choose who will go on the Great Journey and who will not. She then concludes, privately, that she does not believe in the Forerunner, but denies this ultimate betrayal.

Truth reveals to 'Talsamee that the vision was fabricated and she convinces a Sangheili dissident to press charges to 'Jalahass, not only for the vision, but for the untimely death of the Prophet in the Brute attack - which ostensibly the gifted Priestess should have been able to stop. Tried as a heretic, 'Jalahass is disheartened, until 'Fulsamee testifies whole heartedly in her favour - stating that she could not be blamed for the death of the Prophet or the desruction of the Solemn Thunder as she acted commendably throughout both. The only 'fault' is that she broke up his impending marriage, and as only he could fault that, she has no right to be on trial. He adds that he is glad to have married her and considers it a blessing. When she is judged not guilty, he sneaks into the jails of High Charity and kills the Sangheili dissident.

Saia 'Jalahass sets up a home on Sangheili, working as a Priestess there to lower her public profile. Pregnant with her first Hatchling, she is put upon by her family who are ever present at her home. An old friend of 'Fulsamee's from his school appears on the doorstep, disheartened to hear he is not at home. She invited him to stay, discovering the friend unfortunately got his lover pregnant before they were married. He kidnapped her away to Sangheili to save the unborn child. 'Jalahass authorises a marriage for the two and backdates it, making the family's objections useless. She is worried that so many Sangheili are dictated to by their family lineage and realises that should she die, her children will be foisted on Orna 'Fulsamee and not provided for. She kicks her family out and has her first child, Karte 'Fulsamee.

'Fulsamee is sent on a dangerous mission in the mean time, during which he is nearly killed. That he survives is testiment to the loyalty his troops show him, refusing to leave him behind. Truth is displeased and 'Fulsamee feels the friction at his promotion ceremony.

Soon after the naming ceremony of their second child, a daughter, Saia 'Lyeuum, the High Priestess reveals to 'Jalahass a tribe of unwanted, bloodless Sangheili living under the Convent. She dies soon after, leaving 'Jalahass as High Priestess.

'Fulsamee's ship is destroyed in an attack on the Brute rebels. He realises the rebels have inside information on the Covenant. The attack also kills the Prophet Content, who is Regret's brother. This sours the relationship between 'Fulsamee and Regret forever. To escape Regret's anger he takes a posting on a deep space vessel, taking his children with him. As High Priestess, 'Jalahass refuses to leave her post, an issue between the two.

On the deep space vessel, 'Fulsamee is proud that his two sons, Karte and Hara 'Fulsamee, are growing to be tactical and athletic Sangheili. He is concerned that his daughter wishes to become a Priestess, knowing how dangerous the First Rites are. The discovery of human territory sends his ship back to High Charity where he reuinites with 'Jalahass and his youngest son Kray 'Fulsamee. He trusts to their daughter to tell 'Jalahass everything while he provides a report to the Hierarch. 'Jalahass reluctantly agrees to take her daughter on as a Priestess.

The Hierarch assign the greatest Sangheili warriors to a final battle with the rebels. They all know the mission is near suicide, but will do what they must. 'Jalahass realises they are being exterminated, but does not know what for. She and 'Fulsamee consider resigning their posts after the campaign, believing their family to be more important. 'Jalahass believes herself to be too radical.

After the final campaign, which is won by the Covenant, 'Jalahass must console a grieving nation, and she finds it difficult. She loses all faith in the Forerunner and can't understand how it gives her fellows comfort. Her youngest child, Saia 'Kristassi, is frequently ill.

'Fulsamee realises that though he entertains some heretic thoughts with 'Jalahass, his family and Hans 'Galatash have survived the Brute Integration. He wonders why he has not been punished for his little heresies. His sons are sent to military school and his daughter undergoes her First Rites. Her mother sneaks her a plasma pistol to defend herself with, but only a few weeks into it, a Phantom arrives on the desert planet. Saia 'Lyeuum is concerned when Regret and two Brutes get out. Realising what they mean to do and knowing she cannot possibly defend herself, she shoots herself in the head - a plasma score is much more suspicious than a broken neck.

Her death is a catalyst for her brothers to become more radical, and her sister to accept the mentoring of Councillor Fera 'Talsamee. 'Fulsamee believes he is being punished for his heresy and turns to Truth for help. He turns to drink and sedetives, estranged from 'Jalahass and a glad campaigner in the Human/Covenant war.

'Jalahass is buried in her work, roused only when Hans 'Galatash brings her to Sangheili to show her that Solitude has lost his mind with age. Realising that Truth has almost complete control over the Covenant, she talks to 'Fulsamee. They make amends when 'Jalahass reveals she thinks 'Fulsamee blames her for her heresy. He tells her he doesn't, but he blames himself for not being true to his faith.

Together once more on Sangheili, they have another daughter, Saia 'Nyahasea. As Supreme Commander, 'Fulsamee sets up a think tank after his son Karte 'Fulsamee dies in battle. The think tank solves many problems of the Covenant/Human war and 'Jalahass keeps tabs on a growing heretic movement. Hans 'Galatash convinces 'Fulsamee to return to the front line when they attack Reach.

After Reach, 'Jalahass is summoned to the Hierarch to see that a Halo has been found. She is astounded, but soon terrified when 'Fulsamee's actions result in its destruction. He is tried as a Heretic and she cannot vouch for him. She begins evacuating High Charity of the poor under the Convent.

'Jalahass sneaks in to see the Arbiter to apologise for abandoning him, but he understands why she did. He tells her to take their children to Sangheili and she has her Honour Guard do so. He also tells her that the Heretic he killed was not one of their friends. When he returns to the second sacred ring, she publicly renounces her status as High Priestess when the Master Chief boards High Charity. Sneaking onboard the Forerunner ship, she has no real goal other than to free her people. She has become a revolutionary. 'Fulsamee strikes an accord with the humans, turning his back on his faith. He has become a heretic.

[CarbonElite]

And thats a short summary
Still love the series! Hooray for coming back!

[Phædrus]

It's been a long time since I read one of these, and it's just as good as I remember. The only problem I could find was a technical one. Check your comma use in the first paragraph.

Other than that, my only complaint is you might fill in a little bit more about the setting and what the characters are doing, but this wasn't so bad that it was distracting; just nagged a little bit if you left out a bit of info that might be useful.

[The 14th Wonder]

Absolutely fantastic.

I can honestly say I've never enjoyed reading an HBO fanfic more. And this is the first of yours I've read. I did read your "short" summary but I can definitely say I'll be reading the old chapters.

No stylisitc or content changes to suggest. As far as mechanics I saw one minor tense error. Other than that, splendid