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hboff
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CarbonElite
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Joined: 09 Feb 2007
Posts: 19
Location: Lost...Just Lost
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 Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:26 am Post subject: |
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| Well...grats on the Dartmouth acception. |
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 1218
Location: Always here to help
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:11 am Post subject: |
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Energetic Necrophiliac Shithead.  Nah, I forgot, really.
Good one. Like my mention. Made me laugh a lot.
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures |
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mplacki
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Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:11 am Post subject: |
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Haha, I got some major laughs out of this. And, congrats on the Dartmouth acceptance!
So, what exactly do I stick in my ear?  |
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Sterfrye36
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 419
Location: The Good Old US of A!
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:40 am Post subject: |
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| mplacki wrote: | Haha, I got some major laughs out of this. And, congrats on the Dartmouth acceptance!
So, what exactly do I stick in my ear? |
Pride.
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FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae |
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Andres
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| Those guys, the secret police, are a bunch of PUSSIES!!! ZMAFG! |
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:58 am Post subject: |
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I don't capitalize my name or use "ä" as a sign of respect of the true Fallschirmjäger. I neither was or ever will be in the Fallschirmjäger and such don't deserve to use the politically correct version of it.
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 
Congratulations on your acceptance into University.
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We lie beneath the stars at night, our hands gripping each other tight.
Will you keep my secrets hope to die? |
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SYSTEM
The Hammer
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie
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| Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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Priceless. Purely priceless. I wish all emo kids would go out that way, I'd get some pretty "Epic Lulz" out of it.
| Quote: | | The line of dialogue cut off dramatically for a cliffhanger scene change. |
Pure gold.
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The Major promptly caught pneumonia and died two weeks later. |
Double pure gold.
| Quote: | | hereby slicing it in two and dropping Marcus hundreds of feet into the ocean like a bad simile. |
Triple pure gold.
| Quote: | | Yes, that's one too many halves but the character is that weird. |
Gold, gold, gold, and gold.
One of the things I really like is self-parody and this epitomizes it. Being able to poke fun at yourself and your own work is great, and I like the way you've done it. It's the lines that seem serious at first, then end with something that breaks the fourth wall, such as the "like a bad simile" really stand out and it's the contrast that makes it seem hilarious.
Congrats on Dartmouth. What program? It better be engineering...
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.
"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations. |
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Sterfrye36
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 419
Location: The Good Old US of A!
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| Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Dave Luck wrote: | Priceless. Purely priceless. I wish all emo kids would go out that way, I'd get some pretty "Epic Lulz" out of it.
| Quote: | | The line of dialogue cut off dramatically for a cliffhanger scene change. |
Pure gold.
| Quote: |
The Major promptly caught pneumonia and died two weeks later. |
Double pure gold.
| Quote: | | hereby slicing it in two and dropping Marcus hundreds of feet into the ocean like a bad simile. |
Triple pure gold.
| Quote: | | Yes, that's one too many halves but the character is that weird. |
Gold, gold, gold, and gold.
One of the things I really like is self-parody and this epitomizes it. Being able to poke fun at yourself and your own work is great, and I like the way you've done it. It's the lines that seem serious at first, then end with something that breaks the fourth wall, such as the "like a bad simile" really stand out and it's the contrast that makes it seem hilarious.
Congrats on Dartmouth. What program? It better be engineering... |
The "like a bad simile" is probably my favorite written line of all time. And I came up with it, too!
However, I'm afraid I have no brain for engineering. I'm thinking English or political science. And, since Dartmouth's in Hanover, NH, Montreal is only two hours away if you wanna hang sometime.
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FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae |
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI
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| Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:21 am Post subject: |
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My first thought on seeing the word "Longsword" in the title was that you never sent me a copy to proof. Then I saw the rest of the title. Dartmouth, huh? Take heart; somebody must think you're pretty good. That, and I guess MCC isn't on the acceptance committee.
This was hilarious. Especially liked the failed suicide attempt. Your hackneyed word association game was great. Here's my favorite part:
| Quote: | "Archangel_7."
"Used to think he was a girl, actually."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Monitor101."
"Is only here because Ster happened to see that he'd submitted something."
"Shamelessly putting everyone into a story so they'll read it, even if it's a brief mention."
"Totally legitimate tactic."
"Guys who got left out."
"Can go stick it in their ears." |
"Totally legitimate tactic." Would have been a great name for this chapter 
Several of my longtime characters read this as well, and they all wanted to let you know what they thought. I wasn't about to try to stop them.
Lexicus
Too many words in this half-cocked monument to literary insecurity. Write it, post it, stand behind it—but never apologize for it. Makes you look weak. Better show a sterner side at Dartmouth.
Chuckles
At least you only killed him off jokingly. Some writers kill off their main characters as if it's some kind of requirement. Guess they can't drum up emotion any other way. Nah, that would take talent. It's so much easier to have their 26th century gun jam when it's needed most, or a Spartan's super hearing fail to detect the approach of military boots running on a hard floor. Talk about weak. "Machiavellian superman" my augmented butt!
Helljumper
Sorry to say it, son, but this Easley isn't fit for service. All this falling and dreaming and flashing back has muddled his mind. Now the rest if it ain't none of my business, but a man who can't tell if he's waking or sleeping shouldn't be within a hundred meters of a Longsword cockpit. That's expensive military equipment, and there's lives at stake. Dartmouth, eh? Well, congrats. Is that a military academy by any chance?
Simjanes
Marcus Easley? Kill him. If you don't have the guts, I'll do it for free. Let me know.
Wiley
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Bah, the very idea! Killing for free?!
David Sagus
Don't kick yourself, Ster. You're not the first author to play God and turn an otherwise strong and admirable character into a stumbling, drooling head case. At least you didn't force his eyes out of their sockets or reduce him to a tortured and atrophied human experiment. Hope I didn't give you any ideas. I wouldn't worry about your delinquent chapter either. I've been on the floor of a rebel pub with a nasty bump on my shrouded head for what seems like an eternity. He should've killed me off on Erebus.
I guess they liked it. Hey, what's not to like. Great job and best of luck at Dartmouth. Still waiting for that Longsword chapter, but I'll cut you some slack
C.T. Clown |
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, nice. This actually made my day, and there's not a whole hellofalotta writing that does that. I am definitely a fan of whoring out shout-outs to the entire fanbase.
This was an excellent piece of comedy writing here, and I'm glad you're still writing, even if you spend a bit more time parodying your own story than than you do writing it. And congrats on Dartmouth, don't drink too much. |
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Spartan006
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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:24 am Post subject: |
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That was just what I needed right now, excellent timing!
| Ster wrote: | | The "like a bad simile" is probably my favorite written line of all time. |
Agreed. There was only one thing in the entire story that bothered me.
| Quote: | "Spartan006."
"No, I expect you to die."
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...and as I copy/pasted this I finally got it, so I laugh for you now, HAHAHA, okay, now shut up and take your 10/10. *shoves in Ster's face*
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Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006. |
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CoLd BlooDed
Moderator
Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 706
Location: Noit acol.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:11 am Post subject: |
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First story I've read in a while, and if this isn't enough to bring me back...
Hahaha, I really don't think a story has made me laugh in quite some time. Your narrative and your fluency in poking fun at your own style and characters is flawless. I loved every second of it.
Now where was I...
(Good to see you still writing, and congratulations on getting into Dartmouth!) |
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rock-a-holic
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Joined: 29 Apr 2008
Posts: 8
Location: wisconsin,usa
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:26 pm Post subject: wtf |
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I'm sorry man but I didn't really like it. Also... screw you I like Bob Dylan  |
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Sterfrye36
Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 419
Location: The Good Old US of A!
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject: Re: wtf |
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| rock-a-holic wrote: | | I'm sorry man but I didn't really like it. Also... screw you I like Bob Dylan |
Eh, s'okay, it's meant to poke fun at my own writing styles and views on things as well as shout outs to the guys. If you want to give the actual series that this was based on a shot, I'm sure you'll like it. 
_________________
FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae |
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