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Not Peace, but a Longsword Argh!

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:00 pm    Post subject: Not Peace, but a Longsword Argh! Reply with quote

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Not Peace, but a Longsword Argh!
Posted by Sterfrye36 (Sterfrye36@yahoo.com)
15 April 2008, 4:42 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Sterfrye360415080442441.html
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CarbonElite
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well...grats on the Dartmouth acception.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Energetic Necrophiliac Shithead. Very Happy Nah, I forgot, really.

Good one. Like my mention. Made me laugh a lot.
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mplacki
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha, I got some major laughs out of this. And, congrats on the Dartmouth acceptance!

So, what exactly do I stick in my ear? Razz
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mplacki wrote:
Haha, I got some major laughs out of this. And, congrats on the Dartmouth acceptance!

So, what exactly do I stick in my ear? Razz


Pride. Razz
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Andres
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those guys, the secret police, are a bunch of PUSSIES!!! ZMAFG!
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fallschirmjager
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't capitalize my name or use "ä" as a sign of respect of the true Fallschirmjäger. I neither was or ever will be in the Fallschirmjäger and such don't deserve to use the politically correct version of it.

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Congratulations on your acceptance into University.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Priceless. Purely priceless. I wish all emo kids would go out that way, I'd get some pretty "Epic Lulz" out of it.

Quote:
The line of dialogue cut off dramatically for a cliffhanger scene change.

Pure gold.

Quote:

The Major promptly caught pneumonia and died two weeks later.

Double pure gold.

Quote:
hereby slicing it in two and dropping Marcus hundreds of feet into the ocean like a bad simile.

Triple pure gold.

Quote:
Yes, that's one too many halves but the character is that weird.

Gold, gold, gold, and gold.

One of the things I really like is self-parody and this epitomizes it. Being able to poke fun at yourself and your own work is great, and I like the way you've done it. It's the lines that seem serious at first, then end with something that breaks the fourth wall, such as the "like a bad simile" really stand out and it's the contrast that makes it seem hilarious.

Congrats on Dartmouth. What program? It better be engineering...
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave Luck wrote:
Priceless. Purely priceless. I wish all emo kids would go out that way, I'd get some pretty "Epic Lulz" out of it.

Quote:
The line of dialogue cut off dramatically for a cliffhanger scene change.

Pure gold.

Quote:

The Major promptly caught pneumonia and died two weeks later.

Double pure gold.

Quote:
hereby slicing it in two and dropping Marcus hundreds of feet into the ocean like a bad simile.

Triple pure gold.

Quote:
Yes, that's one too many halves but the character is that weird.

Gold, gold, gold, and gold.

One of the things I really like is self-parody and this epitomizes it. Being able to poke fun at yourself and your own work is great, and I like the way you've done it. It's the lines that seem serious at first, then end with something that breaks the fourth wall, such as the "like a bad simile" really stand out and it's the contrast that makes it seem hilarious.

Congrats on Dartmouth. What program? It better be engineering...


The "like a bad simile" is probably my favorite written line of all time. And I came up with it, too! Razz

However, I'm afraid I have no brain for engineering. I'm thinking English or political science. And, since Dartmouth's in Hanover, NH, Montreal is only two hours away if you wanna hang sometime.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My first thought on seeing the word "Longsword" in the title was that you never sent me a copy to proof. Then I saw the rest of the title. Dartmouth, huh? Take heart; somebody must think you're pretty good. That, and I guess MCC isn't on the acceptance committee.

This was hilarious. Especially liked the failed suicide attempt. Your hackneyed word association game was great. Here's my favorite part:
Quote:
"Archangel_7."
"Used to think he was a girl, actually."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Monitor101."
"Is only here because Ster happened to see that he'd submitted something."
"Shamelessly putting everyone into a story so they'll read it, even if it's a brief mention."
"Totally legitimate tactic."
"Guys who got left out."
"Can go stick it in their ears."


"Totally legitimate tactic." Would have been a great name for this chapter Wink


Several of my longtime characters read this as well, and they all wanted to let you know what they thought. I wasn't about to try to stop them.

Lexicus
Too many words in this half-cocked monument to literary insecurity. Write it, post it, stand behind it—but never apologize for it. Makes you look weak. Better show a sterner side at Dartmouth.

Chuckles
At least you only killed him off jokingly. Some writers kill off their main characters as if it's some kind of requirement. Guess they can't drum up emotion any other way. Nah, that would take talent. It's so much easier to have their 26th century gun jam when it's needed most, or a Spartan's super hearing fail to detect the approach of military boots running on a hard floor. Talk about weak. "Machiavellian superman" my augmented butt!

Helljumper
Sorry to say it, son, but this Easley isn't fit for service. All this falling and dreaming and flashing back has muddled his mind. Now the rest if it ain't none of my business, but a man who can't tell if he's waking or sleeping shouldn't be within a hundred meters of a Longsword cockpit. That's expensive military equipment, and there's lives at stake. Dartmouth, eh? Well, congrats. Is that a military academy by any chance?

Simjanes
Marcus Easley? Kill him. If you don't have the guts, I'll do it for free. Let me know.

Wiley
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Bah, the very idea! Killing for free?!

David Sagus
Don't kick yourself, Ster. You're not the first author to play God and turn an otherwise strong and admirable character into a stumbling, drooling head case. At least you didn't force his eyes out of their sockets or reduce him to a tortured and atrophied human experiment. Hope I didn't give you any ideas. I wouldn't worry about your delinquent chapter either. I've been on the floor of a rebel pub with a nasty bump on my shrouded head for what seems like an eternity. He should've killed me off on Erebus.

I guess they liked it. Hey, what's not to like. Great job and best of luck at Dartmouth. Still waiting for that Longsword chapter, but I'll cut you some slack Wink

C.T. Clown
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, nice. This actually made my day, and there's not a whole hellofalotta writing that does that. I am definitely a fan of whoring out shout-outs to the entire fanbase.

This was an excellent piece of comedy writing here, and I'm glad you're still writing, even if you spend a bit more time parodying your own story than than you do writing it. And congrats on Dartmouth, don't drink too much.
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was just what I needed right now, excellent timing!
Ster wrote:
The "like a bad simile" is probably my favorite written line of all time.

Agreed. There was only one thing in the entire story that bothered me.
Quote:
"Spartan006."
"No, I expect you to die."

...and as I copy/pasted this I finally got it, so I laugh for you now, HAHAHA, okay, now shut up and take your 10/10. *shoves in Ster's face*
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First story I've read in a while, and if this isn't enough to bring me back...

Hahaha, I really don't think a story has made me laugh in quite some time. Your narrative and your fluency in poking fun at your own style and characters is flawless. I loved every second of it.

Now where was I...

(Good to see you still writing, and congratulations on getting into Dartmouth!)
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rock-a-holic
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:26 pm    Post subject: wtf Reply with quote

I'm sorry man but I didn't really like it. Also... screw you I like Bob Dylan Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:47 pm    Post subject: Re: wtf Reply with quote

rock-a-holic wrote:
I'm sorry man but I didn't really like it. Also... screw you I like Bob Dylan Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad


Eh, s'okay, it's meant to poke fun at my own writing styles and views on things as well as shout outs to the guys. If you want to give the actual series that this was based on a shot, I'm sure you'll like it. Smile
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"I...have...power issues." -Phae
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