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You Know My Name: 3 of 3:

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:03 pm    Post subject: You Know My Name: 3 of 3: Reply with quote

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You Know My Name: 3 of 3:
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
27 March 2008, 10:55 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0327082255091.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know why it didn't go through, but the title is supposed to be 'You Know My Name: 3 of 3: "Finem Respice"
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This just seemed really disjointed. It seems like this and the other two parts are single chapters from a larger story (which technically they are), but not really in a good way. I don't know, I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it's just all the separate stories, and none of them really go together.

A lot of this could've been fixed if you'd done more than three parts, or done them longer. You tried to wrap everything up, but there were a bunch of loose ends. Like Farrior, or Young.

So, overall, as a series, this wasn't bad. It just jumps all over the place, with too many characters in not enough time. This would've benefited from a bit more connections between all the different characters, and from being longer. Portraying Halo 3 from marine POVs is ambitious, but three parts just doesn't seem to be enough to do that.

And are you doing an epilogue after this? Those side-story parts were interesting, although they didn't add much to the regular parts.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forgive me for the disjointedness. I totally agree with you: There are just too many sidestories. But there was a point to this: Consider this a prologue to another story, which I'm working on right now, but trust me, I think I screwed up a lot and it damaged this one, but I'll fix everything up.

Trust me. Very Happy But, yeah kr, I am definitely writing a epilogue plus to this, which will end all of the loose cannons in here. Least I can do for all of it.

Ambitious in a good way?
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kr1
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, so is that new series where you're going with Gallagher and the new Insurrectionists? And yeah, ambitious in a good way. Like I said, if only it'd been longer. Other than the disjointed feeling, though, it was good.
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monitor101
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I find the side stories rather intriguing. It didn't hurt it I think. You got a good one Gallagher.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks! Very Happy
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My last review of this series was not entirely favorable. I thought that while all the elements of a great story were there, the presentation hindered the narrative.

But this chapter? Brilliant.

The best thing about this chapter was the feeling. It wasn't any one thing, but simply the consistent tone throughout. One of heroes coming back without a heroic welcome, returning to a broken world full of broken people. It didn't have any of the Hollywoodesque triumphant return with people throwing rose petals. It was men returning to troubled families or empty bars. A great illustration was:

Quote:
"You and Renyolds are on a one week furlough to Earth. I suggest you spend it wisely, Stacker, because you got work to do when you get back."


There not coming home to retire to the idyllic farm. Their world is practically destroyed, and a lot of hard, unrewarding work is ahead of them. As the flip side of a war story, this was fantastic.

As with the other chapters, the characterizations and style were both top notch, but this benefited from a far superior narrative. Fewer characters who were all joined together by a single, compelling thread. As for the GPS problems, I noticed only one tense error:

Quote:
Reynolds left, leaving the ODST there with the highest ranking officer that Humanity has left.


Watch those tenses, and it'll be immaculate.

Great story. I really enjoyed reading this one, and look forward to what you'll do next.

- Arthur
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Commander Valois
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, that was long.
I liked it, I just found the side stories a bit confusing. There's nothing more I can really say except:

~9/10~
Super! Smile

Keep it up, I expect to see more, ya hear?
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