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When the Sky Falls on All

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:09 pm    Post subject: When the Sky Falls on All Reply with quote

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When the Sky Falls on All
Posted by Treggarius (max18@earthlink.net)
28 January 2008, 7:25 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Treggarius0128080725041.html
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm afraid I couldn't make much sense of this one. Unfortunately, it was poorly formatted, lacked basic GPS in certain places, and even had caps. You really need to spend more time on making your submissions presentable if you want people to read them.

You seem to have some unique, if bizarre ideas here, but they were mashed together in an incomprehensible mass and thus lost in translation. As such, I really can't comment too much except to strongly suggest that you spend more time on your next attempt and consult the code.

See you round.

- Arthur[/url]
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's this?
Art gets an Old Skooler tag after joining two years after me?
The indignity. Razz

I liked the title of this piece, but the rest of it let me down, to be honest. You repeated phrases more than once in the same sentence, had a mess of grammatical mistakes and a very choppy and disjointed story.
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