HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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When the Sky Falls on All
Posted by Treggarius (max18@earthlink.net)
28 January 2008, 7:25 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Treggarius0128080725041.html

Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

I'm afraid I couldn't make much sense of this one. Unfortunately, it was poorly formatted, lacked basic GPS in certain places, and even had caps. You really need to spend more time on making your submissions presentable if you want people to read them.

You seem to have some unique, if bizarre ideas here, but they were mashed together in an incomprehensible mass and thus lost in translation. As such, I really can't comment too much except to strongly suggest that you spend more time on your next attempt and consult the code.

See you round.

- Arthur[/url]
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:55 am Post subject:

What's this?
Art gets an Old Skooler tag after joining two years after me?
The indignity. Razz

I liked the title of this piece, but the rest of it let me down, to be honest. You repeated phrases more than once in the same sentence, had a mess of grammatical mistakes and a very choppy and disjointed story.