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The Arbiter

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:21 pm    Post subject: The Arbiter Reply with quote

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The Arbiter
Posted by Mind_Affecting_Parasite
20 November 2004, 12:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mind_affecti.1120040012191.html
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, you're back, Mind Affecting Parasite. Good to hear from you.

- Dave.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dido. You should try sticking around and writing more.

Could have flowed a tad better. And used a tad more... emotion, detail, or something.

Overall, it was pretty good. Still, you need to write a real story for me to critique.
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It didn't rhyme, but it was still pretty poetic. I liked it.
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my head is gone
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Joined: 09 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

not bad

Adios

(sorry for the grueling review)
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 5:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent. Very well written poem. I was impressed with the feeling you managed to give to what is only a video game cut-scene. Nice.

C.T. Clown
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, very good. I thought it could of been a little more emotion into it. But other than that, it was great!
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Gruntlover2000
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Joined: 18 Nov 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 5:14 pm    Post subject: Good Reply with quote

It didn't rhyme and needed a teansy bit of emotion but other than that good poem Arrow Arrow Very Happy Very Happy Arrow Arrow
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rhyming doesn't matter, if it rhymes, it rhymes. If it doesn't, it doesn't nessesarily need to be.

- Dave.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think it flowed very well. The subject matter was very good and word choice was great, but I think a proper set for poems should have been used. Or at least make them more uniform.

I liked it nonetheless
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Master Grunt
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Joined: 01 Dec 2004
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Location: Abducted by aliens... trying to find my way back

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:04 am    Post subject: Cool... Reply with quote

Wow. I have to say that it is pretty cool that you managed to write a poem/story out of a single cut-sene!

Bravo! Very Happy
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