HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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The Arbiter
Posted by Mind_Affecting_Parasite
20 November 2004, 12:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mind_affecti.1120040012191.html

SYSTEM · Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:38 pm Post subject:

Hey, you're back, Mind Affecting Parasite. Good to hear from you.

- Dave.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Dido. You should try sticking around and writing more.

Could have flowed a tad better. And used a tad more... emotion, detail, or something.

Overall, it was pretty good. Still, you need to write a real story for me to critique.
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-MCC

Nick Kang · Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 10:12 pm Post subject:

It didn't rhyme, but it was still pretty poetic. I liked it.
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

my head is gone · Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 2:22 am Post subject:

not bad

Adios

(sorry for the grueling review)

Chuckles · Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 5:32 am Post subject:

Excellent. Very well written poem. I was impressed with the feeling you managed to give to what is only a video game cut-scene. Nice.

C.T. Clown

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 2:23 am Post subject:

Yes, very good. I thought it could of been a little more emotion into it. But other than that, it was great!
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

Gruntlover2000 · Member Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 6

It didn't rhyme and needed a teansy bit of emotion but other than that good poem

SYSTEM · Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:06 pm Post subject:

Rhyming doesn't matter, if it rhymes, it rhymes. If it doesn't, it doesn't nessesarily need to be.

- Dave.

thedarkfire · Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 3:56 am Post subject:

I don't think it flowed very well. The subject matter was very good and word choice was great, but I think a proper set for poems should have been used. Or at least make them more uniform.

I liked it nonetheless

Master Grunt · Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:04 am Post subject: Cool...

Wow. I have to say that it is pretty cool that you managed to write a poem/story out of a single cut-sene!

Bravo! Very Happy