HBO Fan Fiction

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A General's Tale -- Prologue
Posted by The Meep (HaloFanatic101@yahoo.com)
4 January 2008, 3:42 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep0104080342231.html

[The Meep]

Just wanted to let you know that I'm moving off the one story and am going to try a series. Again.

This one shows more promise than past ones, and I hope I got the Prologue right. I'm going to try to stick with a "once per week" writing schedule, but I got school, and work, and finals, and exams... Ya, you know. >.o

Next Chapter: Six Months Earlier

Please leave comments and reviews!

~I~

[Mad Max]

I really liked how you started it out. "The situation was bad."

Right there, you thrust the reader into the action. However, 'bad' is an overused word in my opinion. It would've done better to maybe use different words or phrases. 'The situation was dire' or 'The situation was quickly heading south'.

That's just one thing i noticed that would've given that opening line more punch. But it had punch behind it to begin with.

I also enjoyed the storyline alot. Details were great and dialogue was as well. I understand you got a busy schedule, but if you can continue it, that'd be great man.

[kr1]

I liked this. I'm interested to see where you go, too, because this seems almost like a single piece rather than a part of a larger series.

The ending seemed a little rushed, though. It didn't detract much because there isn't a lot of time for introspection in the story, anyways, and part of that feeling may be because the whole thing felt more like a stand alone rather than a part of a series.

Anyways, a couple GPS errors.

[Spartan006]

Nicely done, Meep. People usually write all their character's decisions as black and white, but you did a very nice job with the grey-area questions. You probably could have kept going instead of ending it right where you did, but it's your story. 9/10
_________________
Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006.

[The Meep]

Thanks, everybody. I'm hard at work on Chapter One: 3 Months Earlier, but I'm on my third draft now, and I keep getting stumped. Most likely it will be in this Friday, but it might be next Friday if life gets too crowded.

~I~

[Arthur Wellesley]

Really nice, Meep. Excellent story; pretty much the perfect example of what a prologue ought to be. All the elements were introduced effectively: the main character (presumably), the context, and the conflict. Structurally, really nothing more can be asked from a writer.

In terms of style, I really liked it. It was concise yet descriptive, putting us in the moment without distracting us. The dialogue, too, was very good, the tone of the characters remaining consistently believable in this militaristic yet emotionally charged situation. Overall, a great presentation.

Not too much more I can say, as it was quite short. I guess all I can say is I look forward to more. As for “once a week,” that’s a terribly difficult schedule to maintain, but for the readers’ sake, I hope you can do it.

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017

[Andres]

Just one minor detail, unless the General is in charge of a few hundred men, he will not be commanding platoons. He will be commanding battalions, regiments and even divisions.

Adds a bit more of reality.

On the literary sense I saw no flaws in terms of GPS, though certain descriptions should be more deep (eg: the TACMAP display).

[The Meep]

That was actually a typo... It should be Battalion.

~I~