HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

a grunty tale

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:19 pm    Post subject: a grunty tale Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

a grunty tale
Posted by nimby (yospencer@direcway.com)
18 November 2004, 9:46 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=nimby.1118042146531.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, whatever your name is, you've got some major cleanup to do.

I suggest you start with learning to use proper punctuation. Don't forget to capitalize, and also, please read both sets of guidelines and the directions for use.

Aside from that, there is little I can tell you, the story itself is quite illegible.

- Dave.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Needs coding. Yes, the Code. It is critical to making a story easier to read, and better looking. Formatting, my friend. Learn how to make use of it.
Watch your PoV and tenses.
Alright, you need to work on your alien personalities as well. Read through the Halo books and get everything right. Also, capitalize the names of the Elites and Grunts and such.
Detail, too. That had little to no detail. Detail is what gives readers the clear picture in their mind that they need. Work on that and make sure that you give it to us properly. Decsribe more and explain more. This goes for your characters as well.
Work on your punctuation. It was, frankly, terrible. Make sure you get rid of most of your run-ons and fragmens; use periods, semi-colons, and comas in the right places.
There are not 19 Halos. I hate to spoil anything, but, through watching the Spec Add. Halo 2 DVD, one can find that there are only supposed to be 7 halos. So, nope, not anywhere near 19. As for your "special" Halo; don't use such things without proper backing of plot and details.

Overall, I didn't really see a point to this story; always have a point. Work on that plot and impliment all advice you are given. Also, have someone proofread your story; preferably a Halo-versed person.
_________________
-MCC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Mainevent
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It shouldn't be a surprise to any Bungie fan that there are only 7 Halos, as Bungie loves the number 7.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
fallschirmjager
Member


Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm, only 7? Man small universe then, huh? Well not really but yeah...
_________________
We lie beneath the stars at night, our hands gripping each other tight.

Will you keep my secrets hope to die?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Based on the numbers, I can do the math for you and give you a rough estimate of how far seven Halos would reach with overlapping fields.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
fallschirmjager
Member


Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 11:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't make me beat you in the name of Grammer....

Nah, really Mr Maths guys, like how far would it go? I'm really interested in HALO lately...
_________________
We lie beneath the stars at night, our hands gripping each other tight.

Will you keep my secrets hope to die?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Beat me? How do you intend to?

Do you mean 'in the name of' as in; 'simple grammatical correctness,' or do you intend to physically assault me?

If you do intend to physically beat me, just try it. I'll probably have a dog or two waiting, but try it. Guns aren't allowed in Canada, and if the police see you with a gun, they will shoot and ask questions later, so good luck getting past my dogs first. I'd like to see what two rotweilers can make out of you. Rotweilers are prized as attack dogs. They are not as effective at tracking as hounds, but they are known for their brutality in a fight.

If you intend to beat me academically in English, go ahead. If you can, nothing would give me greater pleasure than learning more. Still, I doubt you have any idea of the methods I have up my sleeves. I would tell you more about them, but I'll see if you can guess them first.

Anyhow, let's not get competitive. Let's leave it at that. If you would like to school me, by all means, go ahead.

I'll start the calculations. If each Halo has a radius of twenty-five thousand light years, let's see.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 2:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, I just realized:

It doesn't take a genius to figure out the span of seven Halos. If each field is overlapping, if you make a triangle of circles, with the radiuses overlapping with no uncovered space, they will cover 37500 light years at maximum at the farthest reaches to the farthest reaches. That's for three. But since seven is such an irregular number, and if we're talking a spherical shape, seven doesn't fit right - because it's uneven - forming an odd triangle with one extra Halo.

I'll put it in simple words - One Halo covers a two-dimensional area of approximately 2.0x10^9 square light years. That's in scientific notation.

But since seven is so irregular, it all depends on how they are arranged.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Commander Demitri Wolf
Member


Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 2:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

basicly to put it in word people can under stand ( Very Happy ) when activated the Halo has a large (cant remember something like 1 tril km radius?) so when all 7 halos are activated they are perfecty capable of wiping out all Flood sustaining life in the universe
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Commander Demitri Wolf
Member


Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

just read The Flood, its radius is 25 thousand light years not sure what that equates to though in Km
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group