HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Halo 2 Chpt 1 part 2 and Chp 2 part 1
Posted by Mark Lieberg (malieberg@msn.com)
18 November 2004, 8:00 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mark_lieberg.1118040800035.html

SYSTEM · Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:38 pm Post subject:

Finally, indentation. Good job, Mark, I'll get back to you after I finish reading the story.

- Dave.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Spell out numbers. It helps your flow.
I still think that your plot is a little screwy.
You really need to work on your personalities, too. Nobody sounded like themselves.
Work on your facts!!! You can't create a new AI for another AI. It just doesn't work that way. Find a little creativity. Make something more original up. Maybe something about all that stuff she took in can help here last. 343GS lasted for thousands of years! (insain, but still functional).
Separate your chapters.
Work on your grammar and tenses.

Overall, I still don't think it is a complete story. Get someone that knows a lot about Halo t read through it and tell you what they think. Keep practicing and working your hardest.
_________________
-MCC

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 1:34 am Post subject:

Ok. I will start to spell out numbers. Well what do you mean by spelling out numbers. You mean like that one part 7 just died. You want me to change it to seven just died. Like that? Ok i guess and i will change that. If it helps.

Thanks for helping me. I will post the next chapter seperatly but i already have my story written up. So i might post multiply posts at once so i dont flood the HBOFF. Cause like 5 months ago people were saying like Cold Blooded or what ever that i flooded the FF too much. Plus when i stopped he still said i did. But oh well. Hope you like my story. I will continue on.

Thanks.
Sergeant Mark A. Lieberg \ 3rd Battalion \ Bravo Company
Over and Out!
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

Tony b · Member Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

Its a little confusing. You need to slow down explain everything

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 5:06 am Post subject:

For tony b read the other story then you get the picture dude.
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

SYSTEM · Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 6:20 pm Post subject:

And one more thing, Mark.

Remember a title reflects the story. Let your title become more symbolic. Don't fall into the trap of making your title a report header.

We need to see some better titles - How is someone going to write a rave review for a great fick if their title is "MyHalostorychapter1"?

Remember, symbolic and informative, not just informative.

- Dave.

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 6:21 am Post subject:

Roger that Dave. Thanks for that tip. I will try to make the title more inteesting.
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

SYSTEM · Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 2:19 am Post subject:

Good Luck, Mark. I'm looking forward to seeing the next chapter.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:22 am Post subject:

Yeah. I posted my next one. I placed all of the codes at the certain spots. But i think i missed a few. Hope you like the formatting.
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

SYSTEM · Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 1:08 am Post subject:

Now, all we have to do is wait for the next update.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.