HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Silence
Posted by The Meep (HaloFanatic101@yahoo.com)
15 November 2007, 6:54 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep1115070654311.html

The Meep · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 5:19 pm Post subject:

My first Halofic in a loooong time. Life's busy, and I fell behind.

The idea for this one struck me as I slouched through waves of Calculus homework. Tossing the repungant paper aside, I gave in to my muse and wrote this.

Unfourtunately, it's no where near as good as it could've been, and the fact that this is my first 2nd person POV story and that I wrote it between 12:30 and 1:15 in the morning didn't help. >.o

Hope you ignore the glaring GPS errors I noticed on my last read through.

Cheers, and leave comments please!

~I~

Azrael · Member Joined: 10 Aug 2004 Posts: 504 Location: Boston

"Hope you ignore the glaring GPS errors I noticed on my last read through. "

If you noticed them, they should not be in the finished work. You may have been up at 2am, freakng out that you wouldn't get the story in before the weekly update...that's no excuse. Take some pride in your work. Having your piece sit in your computer for another seven days is not a big deal, and it will change your comments from "You had some glaring GPS errors," to comments that actually review your STORY.
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...now that's some gritty shizzle.

kr1 · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:13 pm Post subject:

I liked it. I only noticed one minor GPS error, though, not a bunch.

fallschirmjager · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:24 pm Post subject:

kr1 · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:28 pm Post subject:

J. D. Ford · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:50 pm Post subject:

For me, GPS errors are only terminal for the work if they occur often enough that it makes it impossible for me to read the piece because the flow is so poor. A good example is Runner, by William C. Dietz. I very much enjoyed the book (although the middle was a little slow) but spotted at least ten of the same kind of spelling errors. Probably closer to fifteen, actually. But that is a work with tens of thousands of words.

Your piece has about 950 words and 8 GPS errors that I could find (normally I don't count such things, but since this has become an 'issue'...). That's not the best ratio. However...the GPS errors did not eject me, the reader, from the flow of the story. I was able to finish it.

It wasn't an easy read, mainly because that extreme level of detail (reminded me of Tom Clancy's writing style in that regard) is difficult for me to uptake at a consistent pace. The GPS errors made it more difficult, but didn't kill it.

So, in my opinion, the piece is still relatively solid overall. The GPS errors merely detract from its integrity and reflect poorly upon you. I must commend you, however, on the description of tactical gear. While it wasn't as streamlined as I would prefer, I did enjoy it.

2PL is a very difficult (IMHO) POV to work with, and I was impressed with your ability to construct a viable story using it.

~J. D. Ford

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fallschirmjager · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:52 pm Post subject:

kr1 · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 9:08 pm Post subject:

The Meep · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:09 pm Post subject:

Just got back and, wow... Most of my stories never got comments, and this one got several within the first 12 hours. Makes me happy.

You see, I was writing on a computer without a word processor, so I re-read it a few times, but I wouldn't have been able to save it, so I posted it as is.

I also read Runner, even if that's a bit random.

I will admit that now I'm reading it fully awake, it was a bit clumsy. Definately not among my top works. :/

So, I'm considering rewriting this for the next Friday with GPS perfect and the story more consistent. Hopefully with more suspense and scenic awareness. Should I do it? Or should I just let this die? Feedback please!

Also, if further comments could avoid GPS errors (that's already been explored enough) and tell me a bit how the story flowed and if the concept was worth writing about, I'd like that alot. Or if you have any questions about what went on inside the story please ask. I'm only here tonight and then I'm gone until Friday, so post quickly if you want to post at all!

O, and by the way, check out my other short story written under the same circumstances, Reality Broken.

~I~

kr1 · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:19 pm Post subject:

Well, I was just a bit curious as to what the rank Sergeant Minor signified. As to rewrites, I think they're generally frowned upon.
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The Meep · Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:25 pm Post subject:

This is 500 years in the future, so something like Military ranks are bound to change, especially with changes in government and leadership. Look at it this way. in 1500, we had knights, kings, and peasants. Now we have Sergeants, Generals, and Privates.

I don't know why, but Sergeant Minor seems logical to me with a Sergeant and Sergeant Major. A Minor would be like a Corporal... kinda. They'd lead a fireteam of mostly Pvts., PFCs, and the occasional Lance.

~I~

Azathoth · Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 1:53 am Post subject:

Unfortunately, every Halo rank that we know of is exactly the same as a modern US armed forces rank. Nylund has also said that he based the ranking system in the books on USMC and USN ranks.

The Meep · Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 2:56 am Post subject:

Er, ya, that...

*doesn't have a good answer*

O well, I guess I just really want a Sergeant Minor rank.

Neutral

~I~

kr1 · Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:04 am Post subject: