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Long Time Gone Reveille Part Two: What You Live By

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 2:41 pm    Post subject: Long Time Gone Reveille Part Two: What You Live By Reply with quote

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Long Time Gone Reveille Part Two: What You Live By
Posted by fallschirmjager (grylsy@hotmail.com)
2 November 2007, 10:36 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=fallschirmja1102071036401.html
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good. I thought you managed to maintain your characters in the midst of some really intense action, a balance which is not easy to maintain. I thought the setting was good too; not your typical fight against the Covenant, or even your less typical pre-Covenant rebellion fight; this was a rebellion at the height of the war against the Covenant; a prospect which seems insane, yet believable at the same time. Nicely done.

A few problems: first, there are enough GPS errors in here to be quite noticeable. Not to harp on about it, but it does detract from the reading experience. Code errors - specifically the indents not properly closed in brackets - were very clunky. To get around this, simply write "[indent]" once, copy it, and paste it at the beginning of every new line.

Anyway, great story. I'm quickly getting to know (and like) the characters and the setting is really intriguing. Good job.

- Arthur
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Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah sorry about all the errors. I just felt if I didn't get this out before exams started it wouldn't be done until Christmas, albeit even then I doubt I could have fixed the coding issues. Oh how many times I looked over the coding and what's the first thing I noticed once it was on HBOFF? That's right... Coding issues.

I now notice the grammar and spelling issues, there was a major rewrite of the middle scenes because it turned into a "run and gun" style of fight with little character development and I was in a bit of rush.

The next part I doubt will make the submission on 17th after exams are done so probably a late November, early December.

I just want one chapter to be written correctly, dang it! Laughing
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Azrael
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Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 504
Location: Boston

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take your time with it, no need to sacrifice quality for your time pressures.

...I'm still hurting after the Boston College loss. Excuse me while I sulk.
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fallschirmjager
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Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 262
Location: The girls bathroom.

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Little note, my location will be updated with each change in scenery of LTG as I am writing it.

For example at the moment it is just generic jungle, soon it will be at Kinshasha, then Reach, ONI mission locales, etc.

Or until I've had enough. Hah.
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Will you keep my secrets hope to die?
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