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Long Time Gone Part 25

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:17 pm    Post subject: Long Time Gone Part 25 Reply with quote
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Long Time Gone Part 25
Posted by grylsy (grylsy@hotmail.com)
17 November 2004, 6:44 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grylsy.11170406443325.html
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
It seemed a little repedetive in places. Also, things went by too fast. There wasn't enough detail in there to really keep me interested. I think you may be loosing the urge to write again. Things are simply getting dull.
I wasn't all that fond of how you ended it, but, your story.

Overall, it was alright, but it just didn't feel like you put your full effort into it. Get some more emotion in there.
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