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Long Time Gone Reveille Part One: Introductions and Informal

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:11 pm    Post subject: Long Time Gone Reveille Part One: Introductions and Informal Reply with quote

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Long Time Gone Reveille Part One: Introductions and Informalities
Posted by fallschirmjager (grylsy@hotmail.com)
4 October 2007, 3:38 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=fallschirmja1004070338221.html
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Lord Beleth
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Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 46
Location: USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Besides a few formatting problems and spelling mistakes. This was a real good intro to the series. I like how its man vs. man as well, which is more my thing. The story was nicely written and had good descriptions to let me know what's going on. I like the suspense you created throughout the story and the kinda mysteriousness of Chris. Good dialog parts, although the character's national personality could use a little work, they all seem so American. A lot of the acronyms threw me off, lol I don't know what half that stuff means to be honest. And a desert camo would be more suitable for Africa.

But anyways, great job, great intro. Hope to see more from you. Keep up the great work!

Cheers,
-Lord Beleth
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"Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation if we are to be saved at all." -Isaac Asimov
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