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What If Tales: After The Sky Fell [Part One]
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:24 pm    Post subject: What If Tales: After The Sky Fell [Part One] Reply with quote

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What If Tales: After The Sky Fell [Part One]
Posted by Jin1 (jermevans1990@gmail.com)
10 August 2007, 1:16 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jin10810071316381.html
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Halo3...Aleks
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked this, it was well written and seemd quite well done. (I wish i knew what an StG44 was) The only little problem i saw was the screw up in the coding for one of the indents, you simply spelled indent wrong so it didnt appear as code. it came up as "[Idnent]" and it kinda screwed it up, but otherwise, excellent writing, a very unique story.
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great work again, Jin. Except for the previously mentioned indent incident, the only error I noticed came here,
Quote:
The metallic fence slowly, and Harper nodded, driving straight through.
I take it you forgot to put opened after slowly...oh well. That was all I noticed. Keep it up. 7/10
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Jin1
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry about the indent and grammer error, I usually don't have time to find everything when I submit it. My apologies, do you think if I ask Louis Wu he'll fix it?

Also, Halo3...Aleks, this is a Stg44:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturmgewehr_44
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Lord Palarious
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

not exactly the most original idea, but it has a catchy feel. some grammar trouble and you could go into a little more character development, but it grabbed my attention none the less. enjoyable, while predictable, would be my prognosis. and enjoyablility is what we aim for.
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Jin1
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I take critism usually pretty good but not the most original? Grammer I understand, I usually write the stories glance them over, character development, the story just started. But understandable. Creativity, I thought I hit that right on the mark.

Apologies but I just woke up and since I do check comments often this came at a... surprise.
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Lord Palarious
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i am NOT trying to say that it was not creatively done, or that it was a bad peice. like i said, i enjoyed it.
What i was saying was that i have seen quite a few scifi shows, short stories, novels, etc. that use the general time of WWII as a backdrop for an alternate storyline. It's been done a lot. And, of course, the interaction between scientist, soldiers, excetera, will always be predictable, and that's with all literature, really.
If it'll make you feel a little better, i didn't quite see the Nazis or after-war germans or what ever involved like that before it happened. Wasn't particularly suprised, but i didn't see it coming. Oh, and kudos for actually knowing some german firearms.
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UNSC Trooper
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Speaking of Nazis, how about a german perspective of the war, Jinny?
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Jin1
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 2:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

German Perspective... I'll do it, but I may have to become more used to them. I did one story from their view but it turned out okay, and I didn't find it that good. But I'll try another.

Lord Palarious: I can see where your coming from and my apologies for it, I haven't had anyone say anything about the creativity. That on it's own came at a surprise.
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Lord Palarious
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh, no, there's nothing to appologize. I should have been clearer on it. No one wants to submit a peice just to have some jackass rip it to shreds for fun. And it seems a lot of that goes on here.
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Col. Knadan
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is quite a good story, however, why do American troops have a German WWII Assualt Rifle? That's it.
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Jin1
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here ya go:

Quote:
"Are those men armed with the StG44?"

"Yes." Harper responded quickly.

"But I didn't know that the military armed anyone with those types of weapons. How did your men get them?"

Harper paused. "Those aren't our soldiers."

"Then whose soldiers are they?"

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Col. Knadan
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, thanks Jin, I missed that part.
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Col. Knadan
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jin, just an idea, but to me at least, it makes more sense if the soldiers are Russians armed with AK's. The reason I say this is because this after WWII right? And the Russians copied the StG 44 to make the AK-47's, so makes a bit more sense if they're Russians with AK's. That is it, bye!
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
And the Russians copied the StG 44 to make the AK-47's


False. Though the Russians may have used the StG 44 as the inspiration for the AK-47, the weapon was designed completely from scratch. The two weapons share very few similarities in their operating mechanisms. Also, the "47" in AK-47 stands for "1947"--the year the AK-47 was put into commission. Note, it is after the end of WWII.
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