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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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me
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Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 155
Location: you dont really want to know
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 Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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Another good job here Arch, and yes someone did read your writing. Now since I'm not entirely coherent I'm not sure how this is going tocome out, but let me say that I am in love with this piece of writing.
The dialouge is beautiful, the characters are unique, it had a good story to it, and I'm not entirely sure that I'm breathing, much less if it is air I'm breathing.
Now since someone I know has conditioned me to find at least one thing wrong whenever I read something (Yeah, I hate ripping things appart, but she makes me  I hate it) I do have one thing to say.
| Quote: | | "Oh," he said, "That." |
This is all one sentence, that wouldn't be capitalized. |
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Archangel_7
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:15 am Post subject: |
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Well, it was a little rushed, so I understand if there are a few mistakes I overlooked.
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--Hunter S. Thompson |
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Lord Palarious
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Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:37 am Post subject: |
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| i would say that it is well written but would be difficult to integrate with the rest of the haloverse. nice job, though. thoroughly enjoyed it and am looking forward to more. |
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Lord Palarious
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:40 am Post subject: |
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| oh, and for "me" up there, the comma after "said" could have been turned into a period, in which case "That" would have been just fine capitalized. |
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me
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Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 155
Location: you dont really want to know
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| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:49 am Post subject: |
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| Lord Palarious wrote: | | oh, and for "me" up there, the comma after "said" could have been turned into a period, in which case "That" would have been just fine capitalized. |
Could have been but wasn't, and I think thats all I need to say. |
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UNSC Trooper
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Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 85
Location: Overlooking a rebel hideout from an orbiting UEG patrol frigate.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I really liked this one. You described Johnson well. |
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