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Decipio Umbra Chapter Three: Mortuus Vir

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:24 pm    Post subject: Decipio Umbra Chapter Three: Mortuus Vir Reply with quote

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Decipio Umbra Chapter Three: Mortuus Vir
Posted by Archangel 7 (arch.angel_7@yahoo.com)
10 August 2007, 5:58 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Archangel_70810070558461.html
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me
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 3:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another good job here Arch, and yes someone did read your writing. Now since I'm not entirely coherent I'm not sure how this is going tocome out, but let me say that I am in love with this piece of writing.

The dialouge is beautiful, the characters are unique, it had a good story to it, and I'm not entirely sure that I'm breathing, much less if it is air I'm breathing.

Now since someone I know has conditioned me to find at least one thing wrong whenever I read something (Yeah, I hate ripping things appart, but she makes me Sad I hate it) I do have one thing to say.

Quote:
"Oh," he said, "That."

This is all one sentence, that wouldn't be capitalized.
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Archangel_7
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it was a little rushed, so I understand if there are a few mistakes I overlooked.
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Lord Palarious
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i would say that it is well written but would be difficult to integrate with the rest of the haloverse. nice job, though. thoroughly enjoyed it and am looking forward to more.
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Lord Palarious
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh, and for "me" up there, the comma after "said" could have been turned into a period, in which case "That" would have been just fine capitalized.
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me
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lord Palarious wrote:
oh, and for "me" up there, the comma after "said" could have been turned into a period, in which case "That" would have been just fine capitalized.


Could have been but wasn't, and I think thats all I need to say.
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UNSC Trooper
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really liked this one. You described Johnson well.
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