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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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Sentinel
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 14
Location: Austin, Texas
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 Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Two words: quotation marks. |
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University
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| Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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Sentinel's right. The story would have been a tad less confusing had you announced when people were speaking. A bit more detail would have been appreciated, as well.
If an Elite was perched on top of the Warthog, and a Hunter accidentally shot it, it would flip the 'Hog back as if it were as heavy as paper.
Overall it was fairly good, about a 6.3/10.
Just redo the wording on your next one so that it's less confusing.
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter. |
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SYSTEM
The Hammer
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie
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| Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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Yep. The lack of quotation marks make it difficult.
I know that most of the beginner French books in the Library have similar formatting around quotations, but hey, even I have trouble following it!
- Dave.
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"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.
"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations. |
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HoZ
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 440
Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)
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| Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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| i agree, but the story was good all the same |
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OrganicTorment
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Joined: 02 Aug 2004
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 10:39 am Post subject: |
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spartans dont just miss an easy shot at a jackal with a shotgun, so two shots...? one miss one kill with a jackal coming head on? wheres the shield? second is after taking two shots at him, he empties his shotgun at an elite, thats 10 shots. Bit much dont cha think?
and last of all a marine telling the chief where a Hunter is weak? The chief knows more about his enemies than 1000 ground pounders...
other than my over critical analysis, it was good. good imagination |
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth
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| Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 3:31 am Post subject: |
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 , I though it was pritty much crap (sorry dude) but it actually made me smile, I don't know why. |
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