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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 1218
Location: Always here to help
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 Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:00 am Post subject: |
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It was okay, but you needed to use the Code. I'll give it a 6 out of 10 for a good plot line
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"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures |
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:22 am Post subject: |
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I didn't like it. Sorry, but I had to be honest. You need to develop that kind of thing more. Just, well, let me try:
An ancient mind
Buried in secrets against its will
Witness to horrors
Witness to the fall
The fall of many
A patient listener
Through rock and earth and time
Many words, and many sights
Until now
Now it is the others' turn to listen
Listen to the truth
Listen to the distant secrets
See the death that looms so near
It's crap and quickly written, but not just a quick over thing and whatever you wrote. Ask someone like Solidus; I'm not a poet.
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:31 am Post subject: |
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It was umm...strange. I particularyl didn't like how you kept on dragging out the words and making them twice as long for no particualry reason. Doing that made it flow rougher.
I did, however, like some of the rhymes in there, like the ones that used big words. And some of the verses flowed quite smoothly. But it's still pretty weird...
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Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter. |
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SYSTEM
The Hammer
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:46 am Post subject: |
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Ah... A poem. I don't really go for poems that much.
- Dave. |
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MasterSushi
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Ah... A poem. I don't really go for poems that much |
Ummmmmm.... Neither do I....
(actually quite scared of that poem...) |
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MasterSushi
Member
Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Sitting in a chair. On my own. Eating cupcakes. And people tell me to get a life. Ha.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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| It was quite good though:) |
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