HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

War's a Fine Trade
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:53 pm    Post subject: War's a Fine Trade Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

War's a Fine Trade
Posted by A Halo Fan...natic (mikeandrewp@gmail.com)
19 July 2007, 4:20 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=A_Halo_Fan..0719070420381.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
(Na)Marl
Member


Joined: 03 Nov 2004
Posts: 689
Location: --Looking for you! I have a knife!

PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

--First post, omfg!!

--Heh, well, you know my thoughts on the matter Phae. I enjoyed it liek a mondo-sized proportion of enjoyment. It was . . . unique.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Beauty. Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Amaranthine
Member


Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 55

PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No mistakes that I could find. Good job.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address MSN Messenger
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What, no more comments? This is one of the best things I've written! Come on, people! Evil or Very Mad Razz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Azathoth
Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think having two trillion people on the Earth five hundred years from now is pushing it a little. I'd say this planet can support 150 billion tops. Hell, it can't even keep 7 billion people together properly, so how could it support 300 times that?

Good story though.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
DraconicDreams
Member


Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 170
Location: Jersey

PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I loved it on Devart, love it there. Excellent work. <3
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
Spartan006
Member


Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work, Phaedrus. Like I said in the writer's help section it sounds like a commercial or something like that in the beginning, but later it seems to be more like a description of this man's life. Keep it up! 8/10
_________________
Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, 'all. I need appreciation, or else I get sad. Sad Razz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Archangel_7
Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to my world.

Anyway, I didn't find any mistakes worth noting and enjoyed it overall. Especially the passage about the true worth of 'heroes.'
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Guardian
BANNED


Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 831
Location: Kicked to the curb.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 2:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

2 trillion... that's like my first Alternate Realities Chapter with several THOUSAND human ships fighting HUNDREDS of Covenant Ships, and Human forces losing HUNDREDS of their ships at the end of the battle.

Outside of that, I liked it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks. As for the two trillion thing, well, mebbe that was a little far field. But, I expect that with imports from other planets, Earth could support up to 300 billion.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Guardian
BANNED


Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 831
Location: Kicked to the curb.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

well 300 billion would be realistic if you considered Earth to become kind of like Cybertron. Nearly every land and water portion of it would be covered with Cities. Above ground, in air, underground, under water, and in lower orbit or cities reaching as high as lower orbit.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Lord Palarious
Member


Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 29

PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

excellent peice. and these idjits don't know crap about population support. In that kind of future, we could probably put more than 2 times that, easy. Expecially with imports. Maybe even without. We'd have to destroy a lot to do that, though. So, 2 trillion sounds quite cozy to me. Looking forward to more.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nicely done. The narration had a style and personality that was interesting and (most impressive of all) consistent. This sort of thing often degenerates into a mess of overcooked speech, with the narrator dropping the beginning and ends of half of the words in an effort to sound "real." You never fell into that trap. By the middle, I felt as if I was listening to an honest-to-God soldier. And from the 26th century, no less.

Quote:
A common misconception is that soldiers are recruited to kill. That's not true. If there's a way to get the job done without killing, we'll do it. The problem is, a lot of bad people are unreasonable and don't respond well to punishment or gentler ways of persuasion. Killing is the Corps' way of getting them to back down. Forcefully.

It certainly works better than saying "please".

I liked this. Seems like it's coming from somebody who really exists.

Quote:
The Corps has taken me to a lot of places. I've seen a lot of things I didn't think possible, done a lot of things I never thought I would, met a lot of girls I don't regret meeting. Some people, 'specially from back home on New Maine, ask what planets I've been to, if I've ever been to Earth, and what's it's like. I can tell ya'; it's a shit-hole. A shit-hole with a few pretty jungles. Two trillion people crammed onto one planet, with all their stink and garbage and ugly high-rise apartments. In San Francisco and Hong Kong, the stench of burnt hydrocarbons is enough to make you sick. Even the "rural" areas are heavily developed with rich bastards' vacation homes.

I prefer the wilderness of home, cool, blue, green, with the wind off the Hammered Sea. Not the mess of the industrialized planets.

Again, this comes off as genuine. You get the idea of Earth as a used up resource and these other planets (like this leatherneck's home) as less-spoiled new worlds. You manage to get that across clearly in very few words.

This short fic surprised me. I didn't expect much given its length, but it really packed a punch. Great job.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group