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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:54 am Post subject: Letters of A Corpsman: Battle of Hill 324 and Hill 642 |
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This topic is for posting comments to:
Letters of A Corpsman: Battle of Hill 324 and Hill 642
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
23 June 2007, 7:23 pm
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0623071923301.html |
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher Member

Joined: 19 Oct 2004 Posts: 1218 Location: Always here to help
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I need to ask y'all.
How do you use Indents again? Been awhile since I needed to use them.
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I wrote this in a style that is definitely a letter. Not very detailed, obvious mistakes, and it's the language. She purposely uses 'horrible' because she really doesn't know what else to use. It's my self-declared 'Gallagher Letter Style'  _________________
"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
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Phædrus Member

Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 957 Location: Southern California
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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[indent]This is indented.
Review coming after lunch.
EDIT:
It was alright, but not excellent. I thought your word choice was bad in a few places - combo, for instance. Also, I don't think you caught the horror of battle as well as you could have. I, personally, would have mentioned the smell. Violent death stinks (smells like blood, salt, shit, urine, and bile).
Overall, though, it wasn't bad. |
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher Member

Joined: 19 Oct 2004 Posts: 1218 Location: Always here to help
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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[Shrug] I'll remember that, the smell and stuff. _________________
"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
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