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Halo 2 ---- Forerunners Palace----Chp 2: Engagements and Con

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:22 pm    Post subject: Halo 2 ---- Forerunners Palace----Chp 2: Engagements and Con Reply with quote

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Halo 2 ---- Forerunners Palace----Chp 2: Engagements and Conquerors
Posted by Mark Lieberg (Malieberg@msn.com)
10 November 2004, 4:30 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mark_lieberg.1110040430222.html
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russ687
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Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 6:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm, adding the Code to your story would certaintly help.

Don't take this the wrong way, but there are plenty of opprotunities to get to know what the Code is. If you just happened to "miss" the guidelines, you can also just PM someone and ask them....just some examples.

Here is a basic overview:

[ i ] to start italics [ / i ] to end them

[ b ] to start bold [ / b ] to end them

[ indent ] to indent a paragraph

Use it in exactly that form EXCEPT do not put any spaces in there; I had to do that so you could see the actual Code text.

So I expect a perfectly formatted story in your next post.

-Russ
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And please don't make your title so long next time.

The point is made perfectly clear without the barrage of ---- in there.
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Or, for the Code, you could check the link in my sig.

As for your "preferences" on what kind of a comment you want. Well, here, it's just tough luck, kid. People don't really think twice about speaking their mind. So, you'll get negative comments. SO WHAT? Deal with it. Making it through some rough responses proves you have some of what it takes to be here and become a good author. You don't tell a teacher as school: "Yeah, don't give me a bad grade or tell me the bad stuff about my term paper." You might just get a: "Tough shit, son. Take your damn F." And that's if they're nice...

Watch you personalities of main characters (especially MC and Cortana). Also, separate your paragraphs better. Get dialogue in distinct little bits. Then, once you have stuff split up, add some detail in there to flesh it out, give it some material more than basic "no show just tell."
Now, about the team, you can't just use first names. Use ranks and full names. That way, things sound better. Example:
Quote:
Jim walked down the street to the corner. He turned the corner and saw the group of enemies just a few feet away. Jim threw a grenand and jumped back around the corner.

Almost decent. But now:
Quote:
Sergeant Jim Franklin walked cautiously down the abandoned street to the nearest corner; a battle scarred Catholic church. With deliberate slowness, he stuck a single brown eye around the ragged edge of the large structure. He froze when he saw them. A full squad and more of enemy soldiers sat waiting on the adjascent side of the church; two Elites, one of them wearing red armor, five Grunts, three Jackals, and a pair of lumbering Hunters on the main enterance stairs. "Jimmy" took one of the six explosive weapons - the only remotely powerful ordinance on him - and rolled it to the feet of his enemy. As the short clock ticked away, the Sergeant ducked back around the corner, waiting for the iminent explosion.

You see? Much more explicite. Work on details, too, by the way.

Overall, you need to expand you storyline; explain and tell us more about what is going on so that we are actually interested in continuing. Work on grammar, also. Try letting a few friends proofreading your future stories before you post them, to work out most of the mistakes. Then, just work your hardest and keep practicing.
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-MCC
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 9:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
any comments are welcome, but I don't like bad comments...tell me about grammar and all that but nothing that my story sucks trash or that kind of stuff.


What was that all about? A story can have perfect grammar and still stink on ice. If you want to post on here for an oppurtunity to get your stuff read and learn from the comments, fine. But if you don't want to hear what we think of your story (that is, unless we love it or have some advice about grammar) go post somewhere else.

I'm not gonna waste a minute reading a story on here from someone who can't take the same criticism that the rest of us endure. If you read my stuff, I expect you to post your opinion, not just give me a worthless pat on the back and tell me where to use my punctuation. I can learn that from a book. I post on here to get my stuff read and to improve my writing. If you can do that, fine. If not, you don't belong here.

C.T. Clown
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Mark.

Use the code! Remember, use the code. It could be your big break.

- Dave.
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