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Spartan

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:54 pm    Post subject: Spartan Reply with quote

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Spartan
Posted by Chuckles
4 May 2007, 4:12 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Chuckles0504070412031.html
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 2:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome poem, Chuckles. The title made me think some newb had posted something, but imagine my suprise when I find it to be you! As usual, you didn't disappoint. It was kind of short, but the quality makes up for that. I think you did a pretty good job describing the life of a Spartan. For never disappointing, 9/10.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A simple title is often the best title, whether it is direct, or not. And, of course, the best title, at least IMO, is the one that alludes to the meaning of the poem or story without directly giving it all away, and still leaving it open to personal interpretation.

And, I must admit, I am a sucker for good, one word, titles.

I will certainly have to make time a little later today to give this a good couple reads and a review, Chuck.
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MC's Cousin wrote:
A simple title is often the best title, whether it is direct, or not. And, of course, the best title, at least IMO, is the one that alludes to the meaning of the poem or story without directly giving it all away, and still leaving it open to personal interpretation.
I wasn't saying that it was a bad title (and I know you weren't saying that I said that Wink ), but it just seemed to sound noobish to me. Like the kind of people who just throw 750 words together with a title without putting much thought into it, or any thought for that matter. Anyways, since it's Chuckles' it doesn't matter.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spartan006 wrote:
Quote:
Awesome poem, Chuckles. The title made me think some newb had posted something, but imagine my suprise when I find it to be you! As usual, you didn't disappoint. It was kind of short, but the quality makes up for that. I think you did a pretty good job describing the life of a Spartan. For never disappointing, 9/10.

Yeah, I knew that the title could be taken that way when I chose it, but like MCC, I prefer them simple and short. I considered some other titles, but they all said too much. Thanks for the comment.

So, can anyone tell me what that last stanza is referring to? I wonder.

C.T. Clown
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Newb title- I'm not reading.

Probably a TWOD, and im sure there are spelling mistakes. Work on the yadda yadda and try again next time. Just listen to whatever the guy above me said too, he was right on.
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuckles wrote:
So, can anyone tell me what that last stanza is referring to? I wonder.

C.T. Clown

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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most likely John or just the Spartans in general, leaving their childhoods behind. Or I'm off completely.
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Marine Corps 117
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 4:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love this. I'll leave a better comment when I can, but the last stanza refers to one of my favorite aspects of the Spartans' mythos: they truly "never" die, as they are listed MIA regardless of death. Bravo, man. My only gripe was your signature at the end, but that's just me.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry it took so long for me to comment on this, I read it awhile ago and never really reviewed it.

I loved the way you repeated those specific words, because each time I read it it all just became more and more important. It's pretty much saying how their innocence is leaving and is being replaced with the personalities of machines.

The last stanza reminds me of how the Spartans were flash cloned when they were taken from their parents - flash clones that would die several months/years/etc. after taking the future-Spartans place. I know this wasn't your true intention, but this line

You wrote:
To silent graves with living names


Made me think of how the flash clones die but the true child is living in the form of a superhuman.

Then there is Main's interpretation, which makes sense... oh tell us, wise clown.

Great job, glad to see I have some competition in Halo poetry. Razz
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2007 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent poem, Chuckles, honestly one of the best I've read on here. The imagery was vivid with delicate but obvious dark overtones. The persistent feeling of spinning, which I took to double both the innocent frivolity of youth and the tearing of the children from youth's arms, lent a feeling of wrenching energy and motion to the words. One part I quite liked was:

Quote:
Rigid rules, dangerous tools
Childhood spins and pulls away
Away from tears, so quick and cruel
To dry eyes and numbered names


This does well to illustrate the essence of dehumanizing children. It is tantamount to killing them, stripping away all they could have become before they even got a chance to begin.

The final stanza? Man, did I ever hate poetry in English. I was always keen to get back to prose in all its myriad forms. I'll give it a go, though: Their likeness to their former selves is no more, the image of what they once were obscured by time. The "arms" are perhaps those of the parents, "gaunt" because of the haziness of memory and "frail" perhaps because they failed to protect their children? The final line seems to suggest they died when they were abducted and are now but empty graves.

Sounded wrong even as I wrote it Smile Great poem. Keep on doing what you do.

- Arthur
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2007 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's the last stanza:
Quote:
Mourning wails, likeness fails
The image spins and wastes away
Away from arms, so gaunt and frail
To silent graves with living names

Some nice interpretations. Even though it was not the right answer, I really liked Marine Corps 117's take:
Quote:
... the last stanza refers to one of my favorite aspects of the Spartans' mythos: they truly "never" die, as they are listed MIA regardless of death. Bravo, man.

I liked this perspective because it fit the last line of the stanza just as close as the correct answer. I too like this aspect of Spartan lore; ironically, however, the last stanza refers to the thing about the Spartan dilemma I like the least.

CoLd wrote:
Quote:
The last stanza reminds me of how the Spartans were flash cloned when they were taken from their parents - flash clones that would die several months/years/etc. after taking the future-Spartans place. I know this wasn't your true intention, but this line [To silent graves with living names] made me think of how the flash clones die but the true child is living in the form of a superhuman.

CoLd, that was exactly my intention, and I can't believe that you got it. Nice.

The first and second lines of the stanza refer to the death of the flash clone. The third line refers the parents (the mother in particular). "Gaunt and frail" alludes to the toll that the sickness and death of the flash-cloned child has taken on the parent. And, as CoLd correctly pointed out, the last line refers to the fact that the original child still lives.

One reason that I thought people might have difficulty interpreting that last stanza is the fact that it is out of order chronologically. The flash clones died young, and by the time the Spartan was fully formed (the fourth stanza) the clones were long gone.

I was about to get to the rest of the comments, but my child is demanding my attention so I'll get to those tonight. Thanks to everyone who took the time to post.

C.T. Clown
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Caleb the Jackal
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very enjoyable to me. Usually I don't enjoy poems as much but since I am on a limited timeframe, this was very good for me. Short and sweet. Great job.

Oh and kids always win! Ha ha anyway keep it up.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting choice of words, very vivid imagery. I suppose there's not much else I can say besides that - vivid imagery. I liked the part about 'numbered names' and 'living graves.' I suppose that had to do with the MIA-part, how they could never list them as 'KIA.'

Good on ya, keep it up and good to hear from ya again, buddy.

- Dave.
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