HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Tricks? Part 2

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:30 pm    Post subject: Tricks? Part 2 Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Tricks? Part 2
Posted by zhenoob (angelex2@hotmail.com)
28 March 2007, 4:46 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zhenoob0328071646101.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Digi7
Member


Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was funny!
Could you tell me where the screen that says "Halo" is on the Pillar of Autumn?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Azathoth
Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its the main bridge screen that Keyes is always looking at. Next to the sensor readout on the ring is something like 'construct:HALO', I forget the exact text.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Collins Okonkwo
Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work again, but... i dont know, this one's not just as funny as the previous and you know how i was looking foward to it.

But anyhow, nice job.

i hope the next will be funnier
_________________
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=Invader+by+U%2E+Collins+Okonkwo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Collins Okonkwo
Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work again, but... i dont know, this one's not just as funny as the previous and you know how i was looking foward to it.

But anyhow, nice job.

i hope the next will be funnier
_________________
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=Invader+by+U%2E+Collins+Okonkwo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Collins Okonkwo
Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work again, but... i dont know, this one's not just as funny as the previous and you know how i was looking foward to it.

But anyhow, nice job.

i hope the next will be funnier
_________________
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=Invader+by+U%2E+Collins+Okonkwo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Collins Okonkwo
Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good work again, but... i dont know, this one's not just as funny as the previous and you know how i was looking foward to it.

But anyhow, nice job.

i hope the next will be funnier
_________________
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=Invader+by+U%2E+Collins+Okonkwo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Spartan006
Member


Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's the dreaded quadruple post of death! Shocked Overall it was decent, but you are improving. 6/10
_________________
Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Azathoth
Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Err...quadruple post? I think this qualifies for an POST-TACULAR!!!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
bowog the grunt
Member


Joined: 16 Jun 2006
Posts: 51
Location: the TARDIS

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that was... interesting, but i must say the first WAS better.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Doppelsoldner
Member


Joined: 06 Jan 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 3:13 pm    Post subject: eh.. Reply with quote

hi its me zhenoob. sorry. its rather hard to write these kind of fanfics without making it sound noob. so sorry... im trying. Sad
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh, I didn't like it. I understand you're trying to make it a comedy, but it doesn't hold up well. There's not much substance to it. You also have a bad habit of telling instead of showing.

I'd try working on something different - something geared less towards comedy and more towards plot and character.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Collins Okonkwo
Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:26 am    Post subject: OOPS Reply with quote

Shocked OOPS! sorry people, didn't mean to quadrify anybody with a particular comment. there was just a little malfunction with my server thats all.
_________________
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=Invader+by+U%2E+Collins+Okonkwo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Doppelsoldner
Member


Joined: 06 Jan 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 12:50 pm    Post subject: zzz... Reply with quote

ok then ill just write the normal story, kill kill bravado type ya? if thats what u guys want
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Phædrus
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2004
Posts: 957
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
ok then ill just write the normal story, kill kill bravado type ya? if thats what u guys want


Uh, no.

Actually, the less action, the better (up to a point). You want to focus on character, not on action. It's more difficult to write that way, but it's more rewarding too.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group