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hboff
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Archangel_7
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks
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 Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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Author's Note: The only surprising thing about this chapter is that I rewrote it only once, which, for me, is a personal record. Oh, and the fact that Ackerson seems to be everywhere at once these days. . .
Not that you guys care, or anything 
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--Hunter S. Thompson |
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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I care 
I really enjoyed reading this one. I have an affinity for cool architecture myself and I appreciated the description of the building in the beginning, especially amidst the setting of so-called "Old Miami," giving some extra flavor to it. His journey towards and through it was similarly well done, his silent condemnation of everyone surrounding him giving us a good mental image of the scene while simulataneously developing the main character.
The cloak and dagger meeting with Ackerson was also nicely executed, and again the scene told us a lot about both characters as well as progressing the plot. I was, however, somewhat confused as to why Winston drew his pistol in a threatening manner when he apparently was expecting to meet him here. Was the suggestion that his nerves were running high? Even so, it seems more prudent to ask for identification before potentially drawing a weapon on a superior officer.
I very much like the flashback to his youth, making Winston a much more complicated character than he initially appeared. This made it clear that he is not absolutely sure of himself, not a supersoldier, not an automaton. The religious discussion added to this compelling development, and again it was not one-sided; it revealed something about both characters. Another good example of this was:
| Quote: | | Indeed, the railway must have served some purpose aside from ferrying a visionary and a shady Colonel to a hidden location, Winston reasoned. The question of why would need to be answered by Ackerson, and a question like that would likely be answered with a bullet. Only one more reason never to trust the man. |
This was excellent, because it cleverly not only informs us of Ackerson's traits and reputation but also reveals Winston's perception of him as well as his willingness to participate in an exercise even if he does not trust the man in charge.
Overall, this was quite good. It had lots of atmosphere, flavor, and density with little to no filler fluff. Great read.
- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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Archangel_7
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:04 am Post subject: |
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| Arthur Wellesley wrote: | I was, however, somewhat confused as to why Winston drew his pistol in a threatening manner when he apparently was expecting to meet him here. Was the suggestion that his nerves were running high? Even so, it seems more prudent to ask for identification before potentially drawing a weapon on a superior officer.
- Arthur |
It was actually supposed to emphasize Winston's nervously cool temperament, paranoia and slight lack of wise decision-making skills.
And now I may have said too much.
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--Hunter S. Thompson |
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Arthur Wellesley
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Posts: 306
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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I see, I see. Say no more. 
- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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