HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Decipio Umbra, Chapter One Part Two

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:41 am    Post subject: Decipio Umbra, Chapter One Part Two Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Decipio Umbra, Chapter One Part Two
Posted by Archangel 7 (arch.angel_7@yahoo.com)
22 March 2007, 10:00 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Archangel_70322072200361.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Archangel_7
Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Author's Note: The only surprising thing about this chapter is that I rewrote it only once, which, for me, is a personal record. Oh, and the fact that Ackerson seems to be everywhere at once these days. . .

Not that you guys care, or anything Rolling Eyes
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Arthur Wellesley
Member


Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I care Very Happy

I really enjoyed reading this one. I have an affinity for cool architecture myself and I appreciated the description of the building in the beginning, especially amidst the setting of so-called "Old Miami," giving some extra flavor to it. His journey towards and through it was similarly well done, his silent condemnation of everyone surrounding him giving us a good mental image of the scene while simulataneously developing the main character.

The cloak and dagger meeting with Ackerson was also nicely executed, and again the scene told us a lot about both characters as well as progressing the plot. I was, however, somewhat confused as to why Winston drew his pistol in a threatening manner when he apparently was expecting to meet him here. Was the suggestion that his nerves were running high? Even so, it seems more prudent to ask for identification before potentially drawing a weapon on a superior officer.

I very much like the flashback to his youth, making Winston a much more complicated character than he initially appeared. This made it clear that he is not absolutely sure of himself, not a supersoldier, not an automaton. The religious discussion added to this compelling development, and again it was not one-sided; it revealed something about both characters. Another good example of this was:

Quote:
Indeed, the railway must have served some purpose aside from ferrying a visionary and a shady Colonel to a hidden location, Winston reasoned. The question of why would need to be answered by Ackerson, and a question like that would likely be answered with a bullet. Only one more reason never to trust the man.


This was excellent, because it cleverly not only informs us of Ackerson's traits and reputation but also reveals Winston's perception of him as well as his willingness to participate in an exercise even if he does not trust the man in charge.

Overall, this was quite good. It had lots of atmosphere, flavor, and density with little to no filler fluff. Great read.

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Archangel_7
Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arthur Wellesley wrote:
I was, however, somewhat confused as to why Winston drew his pistol in a threatening manner when he apparently was expecting to meet him here. Was the suggestion that his nerves were running high? Even so, it seems more prudent to ask for identification before potentially drawing a weapon on a superior officer.

- Arthur


It was actually supposed to emphasize Winston's nervously cool temperament, paranoia and slight lack of wise decision-making skills.

And now I may have said too much. Rolling Eyes
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Arthur Wellesley
Member


Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see, I see. Say no more. Wink

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group