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Letters From a Corpsman: A Poem

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:41 am    Post subject: Letters From a Corpsman: A Poem Reply with quote

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Letters From a Corpsman: A Poem
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
22 March 2007, 12:48 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0322070048281.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wrote it fastly. Shut it. Smile
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fastly, but goodly.

Nice job. You managed to convey emotion and put a real-world face on this science-fiction/fantasy. Your stanzas were a bit uneven, but it seemed to work regardless, and I guess that's what matters in poetry.

I'll "shut it" now Wink

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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another poem where the soldier misses his family.

Not bad.
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember the old joke about 'Corpsmen.'

"So 'cor-man,' not 'corpse-man' right? You don't pronounce the 'p.'"
"Yeah. Th-that's just great, because if you did it would kind of be a negative, right? Because if I was wounded, and I had a bullet in me, I wouldn't want a person called a 'corpse-man' to be operating on me."
"I'm wounded! Call a corpseman!"
"Hang on, I'm killing this guy over here..."

- Dave.
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bowog the grunt
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

very good writing if i might say so myself.

(and i might)
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the review, Dave. Rolling Eyes

And thank you for the comments. Chuckles, bowog, and Syotica, I tip my hat to you.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

While the sentiment was excellent and well conveyed, the execution was a bit iffy. Some of the rhymes - "tool" with "you" and "love" with "cove" for some examples - didn't work out too great.

Altogether it was pretty good. Just maybe give the sentiment a more sturdy vehicle next time.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not very well-versed in matters of poetry (pun not intended, thank you), but what I like about this is the kind of, well, flavor it has. It sounds exactly like something a Marine would think up on a lonely night and scrawl on a little piece of notebook paper.

I mean that in a good way. Razz
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty nice. Like the others said, some of the stuff didn't really rhyme when it was supposed to, but it still got the message across. Reminds me of the fic you wrote a while back about the corpsman...I think it was you at least, don't really remember.
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