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The Siege of Beta Centauri XVI (Part II, Chapter I: Jungle S
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hboff
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 9:22 pm    Post subject: The Siege of Beta Centauri XVI (Part II, Chapter I: Jungle S Reply with quote

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The Siege of Beta Centauri XVI (Part II, Chapter I: Jungle Showdown)
Posted by Insomnia (sjp0131@hotmail.com)
2 November 2004, 1:21 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=insomnia.1102040121385.html
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is just the beggining of the ground-based action. Wink
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Spoiler Alert* (and a bit of swearing too. I'm sorry if your offended but I'm in shock.

What the FFUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!! (That's the language for now)

You might already know this but I haven't been here in ages. In OXM it says that the ATV and Arctic hog won't be in Halo 2. I can live with that but it says the Rocket launching 'Hog has been cut too?!?!?! But it's in the PC v of H1 and it was at E3. Is this true? IS IT TRUUUUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!

(Oh yeah and I'm trying to think up a storyline for another story. I've axed the old one. Just didn't feel it's river flowin' you know?)
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ummmmmm.....

That's not a storyline comment, but, do you know if the Shadow will be in it?
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JCDentonCZ
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 8:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No Snow Hog? Maaaan It looked great with the cabine and stuff!

Okay, Insomnia, good story, kept me reading (Your fic is one of the few I read Razz).

Only, since when does covenant use sheilds and fight soilders :p?

Just wanted to say, those few mistakes you make, while you probably are a American or Englishman of some sort, you shouldn't be making those...:p

For me its different, I am Dutch, and the most advanced english words are still unknown here...Sad

Good names on the weapons, and the referrance on the MAC Guns. Are they official names? Then I have to use them as well...Wink

Okay, gj this time. Keep it up.

JCDentonCZ
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A couple things. What I meant by shields was their personal shields integrated in their armor. The name I used for the Super MAC's was simply not a english name, it was made-up, purely for the covenant calling them that.
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(Na)Marl
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

--This is Gold Elite.
--I'm pretty sure the Shadow will be in Halo 2. That's the Covanent Warthog, right? Well, I have a good source.
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monitor101
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:22 pm    Post subject: monitor101 Reply with quote

Very good stroy 9/10. Man its good to back to HBO fanfiction[/quote]
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 8:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks. Yes, it is the covenant version of the hog
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought that things could have flowed a lot better. You use of detail was alright, but work on getting things to run smoothly together. Things just seemed a little... rough.
Watch your capitilization, too. Grunts should be capped.
Also, repedetiveness seemed to ail your story. As well as narrative. Things went by pretty quickly, and I just couldn't get into the story as I would have liked.

Overall, it was good, but still needs work. Keep practicing, and, if you do not already, get some people to proofread it.
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, MCC. I will submit Chapter II: Ambush in the fields, tonight.
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Mainevent
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Old Wu's forgotten about us in the Halo 2 frenzy. Can't blame him, I would too. It's only 1 day away!

So much for anyone reading my story in this next batch! :Razz:
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you going to comment on my story? Confused
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2004 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm gonna try to read some stories on the next update. But, there are going to be quite a few, and I don't know if I can get through them all. And since all of my free time is going to be consumed by hours of Halo 2, well, I'll be a little busy for a while.

Now, Insomnia, don't worry about it if people post OT stuff. If they are going to comment, they'll comment. Just don't worry about it. It's a waist of conscious thought.
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MasterSushi
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:41 am    Post subject: HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2HALO2 Reply with quote

TO CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF BONE-CRUNCHING, ARSE WHOPPIN' FUN (or Halo) 2, I DEEM THIS WEEK NATIONAL SUSHI WEEK!!!!!!!! FREE FOOD FOR ALL. (lucky Americans... Get it before us Brits...)

Your story's fine, don't worry about it, I look forward to the next! But in the meantime- DUAL NEEDLERS, BRUTES, MULTIPLAYER BANSHEES, COAGULATION, 15 SINGLE PLAYER LEVELS, BUMP MAPPING, DOLBY 5.1(I think), AND EARTH! AND MORE! LOTS LOTS MORE!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HALO 2 HAS LANDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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