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PROFILE: MARVIN MOBUTO

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:13 pm    Post subject: PROFILE: MARVIN MOBUTO Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

PROFILE: MARVIN MOBUTO
Posted by Raphael Canaris (spartin-458@hotmail.com)
5 January 2007, 5:12 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Raphael_Cana0105070512481.html
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SeverianofUrth
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Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 483
Location: Dumb posts & crap stories

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to assume that you're going to read the comments here, but never reply. That said, you need to capitalize. Really. Capitalizing alone will make a huge difference in the presentation of your story.

I think you might have intended a joke with this. If you did, then--



Yeah, bitch.
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3744
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This submission has gotta be a fluke,
And it makes me wanna puke!

The spelling and punctuation was pretty bad,
I gotta vent, and your grammar was just sad.

When they said illiteracy is up in the USA,
I guess they checked HBO today,

Somehow I suppose I shouldn't be writing this in rhyme,
I've got better ways to spend my time.



- Dave.
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Sterfrye36
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 419
Location: The Good Old US of A!

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, that was a valiant effort on your part, but you still haven't unseated Dean Albury yet.
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Skul
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Joined: 16 May 2005
Posts: 199
Location: UK, Scotland

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, I see what you did there...

I find it ironic that the title is in all-caps, yet the story is all lowercase.

Also, please write out your numbers. It makes your writing flow more smoothly.
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Imperorator_Jon
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Joined: 29 Oct 2005
Posts: 97
Location: Moop?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So.. god-forsaken..

BLAR!

I mean, is this some sick joke you illiterate bastard? This is a combination of drivel that made me have to wipe vomit off my monitor. Just... gah, I'm adding your story to my collection of !%@$ that shouldn't have ever been conceived, right above Deathman's story.

I can't even find the strength to properly flame you.. I want my soul and passion back!
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sev and Skul: thanks for trying to help this guy rather than just flaming him. Ya done HBOFF proud.

Marvin, do us all a favor and use the shift key next time. You submitted this to a fanfic queue, not a blog, forum, or chat window. No caps/all caps is not cute or trendy, but rather sloppy and unacceptable.

Flaming is unacceptable as well ... that is, unless you do this again Twisted Evil

C.T. Clown
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Johny117
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Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 118

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was worse than disgusting. How old are you, three?

Commas, capitals, paragraphs, indents. Add them in your next fic. If you don't know what these are, then look in any novel.
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Archangel_7
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 171
Location: Trying to fight the Flood with a rubber band and some thumbtacks

PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gah.

Three things: Spellcheck (so I know what you're trying to say), the shift key (honestly, this would make your work look exponentially better), and a basic grasp of proper English grammar (so I understand what the hell you're saying). Don't bother returning without these.

I'm not going to pass judgment on your story, partially because I didn't read most of it, and also because you come across as an inexperienced 'itarwebs fan fic' writer who believes that because the story is about Halo and has some sort of humor value to you it will be accepted. That's not the case. We have basic requirements around here, and honestly we're not asking much: just that the story looks decent and is readable, which only requires a basic level of effort on your part. Unfortunately, your fic falls short of both. I'm not gonna blame you once, but don't do it again. Ever.

Oh, and if you're just some sort of joker, then f*ck you for having me write all that out.
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