HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

PROFILE: MARVIN MOBUTO
Posted by Raphael Canaris (spartin-458@hotmail.com)
5 January 2007, 5:12 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Raphael_Cana0105070512481.html

[SeverianofUrth]

I'm going to assume that you're going to read the comments here, but never reply. That said, you need to capitalize. Really. Capitalizing alone will make a huge difference in the presentation of your story.

I think you might have intended a joke with this. If you did, then--



Yeah, bitch.

[SYSTEM]

This submission has gotta be a fluke,
And it makes me wanna puke!

The spelling and punctuation was pretty bad,
I gotta vent, and your grammar was just sad.

When they said illiteracy is up in the USA,
I guess they checked HBO today,

Somehow I suppose I shouldn't be writing this in rhyme,
I've got better ways to spend my time.



- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Sterfrye36]

Well, that was a valiant effort on your part, but you still haven't unseated Dean Albury yet.
_________________
FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae

[Skul]

Oh, I see what you did there...

I find it ironic that the title is in all-caps, yet the story is all lowercase.

Also, please write out your numbers. It makes your writing flow more smoothly.
_________________

Fanfic Currently Working On: Finally continuing Inferno. Slow going. | XBox Live Account: SkulY2K

[Imperorator_Jon]

So.. god-forsaken..

BLAR!

I mean, is this some sick joke you illiterate bastard? This is a combination of drivel that made me have to wipe vomit off my monitor. Just... gah, I'm adding your story to my collection of !%@$ that shouldn't have ever been conceived, right above Deathman's story.

I can't even find the strength to properly flame you.. I want my soul and passion back!

[Chuckles]

Sev and Skul: thanks for trying to help this guy rather than just flaming him. Ya done HBOFF proud.

Marvin, do us all a favor and use the shift key next time. You submitted this to a fanfic queue, not a blog, forum, or chat window. No caps/all caps is not cute or trendy, but rather sloppy and unacceptable.

Flaming is unacceptable as well ... that is, unless you do this again

C.T. Clown

[Johny117]

That was worse than disgusting. How old are you, three?

Commas, capitals, paragraphs, indents. Add them in your next fic. If you don't know what these are, then look in any novel.
_________________
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-Napoleon

[Archangel_7]

Gah.

Three things: Spellcheck (so I know what you're trying to say), the shift key (honestly, this would make your work look exponentially better), and a basic grasp of proper English grammar (so I understand what the hell you're saying). Don't bother returning without these.

I'm not going to pass judgment on your story, partially because I didn't read most of it, and also because you come across as an inexperienced 'itarwebs fan fic' writer who believes that because the story is about Halo and has some sort of humor value to you it will be accepted. That's not the case. We have basic requirements around here, and honestly we're not asking much: just that the story looks decent and is readable, which only requires a basic level of effort on your part. Unfortunately, your fic falls short of both. I'm not gonna blame you once, but don't do it again. Ever.

Oh, and if you're just some sort of joker, then f*ck you for having me write all that out.
_________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

--Hunter S. Thompson