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Darkside of War

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:28 pm    Post subject: Darkside of War Reply with quote

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Darkside of War
Posted by xX0 JACKAL 0Xx (jacaliber@gmail.com)
25 October 2006, 4:40 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=xX0_JACKAL_01025060440411.html
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Dr Sky Tower
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Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 120
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahm, yeah, ok...

There are so many GPS errors in this story I lost count, and another problem I spotted were things written as 'jackal', 'brute' and 'smg'. They should be written as 'Jackal', 'Brute' and 'SMG'.

Your descriptions of the battle scene weren't too bad, it was well put together actually, but the spelling errors and other GPS problems didn't do it any good.

Quote:
The sharpshooting jackal is currently the highest decorated jackal. He is now known as Prophet of Truth most honored.


This was in your 'aftermath'. It would've been better to call the Jackal by his proper race name 'Kig Yar'. Even better to have given him a name if he was such a good soldier.
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