HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Quarantine 0 -- Prologue - Chapter 1: Night Assault

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 10:14 am    Post subject: Quarantine 0 -- Prologue - Chapter 1: Night Assault Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Quarantine 0 -- Prologue - Chapter 1: Night Assault
Posted by The Meep (HaloFanatic101@yahoo.com)
5 October 2006, 8:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Meep1005062019131.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Spartan006
Member


Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 366
Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought it was pretty good. All the accented dialog made it hard to read in some spots, but it was bearable.
Quote:
tantō
How did you get that last o to look like that Confused ? 8/10
_________________
Randomly invading your fanfiction since 2006.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Azathoth
Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, how did you get the accent over the 'o'? I have never seen that in all my experience with BBCode.

Anyway, you have a good story going, although I noticed a spate of tense errors around the middle section. Example:

You wrote:
The short woman next to Jundson was Corporal Glacia D. Hudson, a master of explosives, rockets, and anything else that goes boom in the night. Despite her extreme knowledge of unstable and explosive materials, she isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Also, Corporal Hudson had come very close to borderline cowardice several times in her past. Although dependable on her job, most who knew her wouldn't trust her with their life.


At the start, we have 'was', then we switch to 'is' for a little bit, then back to 'had'. It's really disproportionately damaging to the flow of the story. Not to mention that it seems a bit odd for a bomb expert to show any signs of cowardice. But never mind that. Good story, anyway.

Keep writing.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
The Meep
Member


Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 79
Location: Auburn, Maine E-mail me if there are any nearby LANs

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, thanks for the positive comments.

And about the "ō", well I have my secrets...

My next post, "Chapter 2: Research Team Alpha Nine", will be out this friday if all goes well.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
The Meep
Member


Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 79
Location: Auburn, Maine E-mail me if there are any nearby LANs

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To modify my past post, you put in "ō" using: ō in double quotes ( "" ).
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
The Meep
Member


Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 79
Location: Auburn, Maine E-mail me if there are any nearby LANs

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My code is messing me up now. You have to put in "& # 3 3 3 ;" as one string. As long as they are together, it will make the symbol.

Sorry for the triple post and any confusion.

Also, a tantō is a kind of Japanese dagger that resembles a scaled down Samurai sword.


Last edited by The Meep on Fri Oct 13, 2006 2:22 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Syotica
Moderator


Joined: 26 Sep 2004
Posts: 578
Location: Upper Peninsula, Michigan

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Edit your post next time.

Nice job. Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group