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Whispers of the Fallen: Chapter 2- He's got You and Me, Brot

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:29 pm    Post subject: Whispers of the Fallen: Chapter 2- He's got You and Me, Brot Reply with quote

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Whispers of the Fallen: Chapter 2- He's got You and Me, Brother, In His Hands
Posted by Pwnocchio (envydryisland@aol.com)
23 September 2006, 3:55 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Pwnocchio0923060355461.html
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Matthiasthe14th
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, not bad, but "Spartan" is always "SPARTAN", and "Oni" is always--always "ONI".

I liked how you tied in the dream with the talk between God and Satan in the book of Job, although I'd wouldn't have thought of Cortana representing the devil.

One more thing. I don't quite think that John would be so openly hostile to Johnson, since they're all okay with one another at any other documented time... Wink

Good job, though. I'm waiting for the next one. Very Happy
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Pwnocchio
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the comments! Glad you caught the Job reference Wink Several people have read this on another forum, and I don't believe anyone's caught it, yet. Good stuff.

Thanks for the SPARTAN and ONI info though- I'll fix that in upcoming chapters.

As to the "openly hostile" thing- remember, 3 months have gone by- these two men have gone through very different journeys, causing things like trust, etc, to be frayed. In later chapters, we will start to see just what has driven them to this point, and I think it will make more sense. They've both been through a heck of a lot Smile

Appreciate the feedback!
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oni is ONI, Spartan is Spartan. Unless you're referring to SPARTAN as a program.
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Matthiasthe14th
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cold Blooded wrote:
Oni is ONI, Spartan is Spartan. Unless you're referring to SPARTAN as a program.

Well, it's a good thing I didn't say Spartan was always always SPARTAN. Very Happy

Pwnocchio wrote:
As to the "openly hostile" thing- remember, 3 months have gone by- these two men have gone through very different journeys, causing things like trust, etc, to be frayed. In later chapters, we will start to see just what has driven them to this point, and I think it will make more sense. They've both been through a heck of a lot

Oh, yes, that makes sense. Plus, that was John's first rest after two days of driving/fighting/etc. They had a little spat. Nothing to write home about, I guess. Laughing
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 4:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well this was quite interesting. Yes, I believe you DO have a future here. Keeo writing son.
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