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The Tear In Time: Prologue

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 2:44 pm    Post subject: The Tear In Time: Prologue Reply with quote

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The Tear In Time: Prologue
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
15 September 2006, 4:24 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0915060424371.html
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nicee. Lookin foward to da nxt one.
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Hashey
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice, a mix of Halo, Star Trek and even Stargate Razz
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Cassus Falco
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Despite the fact I am not a fan of crossovers, it was handled well; throwing three completly different universes together is abit risky, but for your sake, I hope the gamble pays off.

Anyways, I have a few questions:

1. Is the ship O'Neill and Carter are aboard the Prometheus or one of those Tokra cargo ships?

2. Why did you choose the Enterprise-E?
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

For one, I like the look of the Enterprise-E. It's sleek, and I like sleek-e-ness. It has a sense of rebirth to it, since it was introduced in First Contact. I also want to use the hull seperation in a few chapters.

The ship that Mitchell and Cam are on is the Odyessy, not the Prometheus. That was destroyed in the Season Nine episode 'Ethon', which was the eagle that ate Prometheus' stomach and liver daily.

And, this is mass slashes, so suspect a few more Science fiction stuff to walk in here.
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grantix
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to use Military time.

1:29 PM = 13:29

1 AM = 01:00
2 AM = 02:00
3 AM = 03:00
4 AM = 04:00
5 AM = 05:00
6 AM = 06:00
7 AM = 07:00
8 AM = 08:00
9 AM = 09:00
10 AM = 10:00
11 AM = 11:00
12 PM = 12:00
1 PM = 13:00
2 PM = 14:00
3 PM = 15:00
4 PM = 16:00
5 PM = 17:00
6 PM = 18:00
7 PM = 19:00
8 PM = 20:00
9 PM = 21:00
10 PM = 22:00
11 PM = 23:00
12 AM = 00:00

Other than that, it was good. Very interesting.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Covenant weapons archaic?
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes.
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Guardian
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wierd, but then again just a small spread of quantum torpedoes being able to destroy a covenant capital ship. Isn't that pushing it a bit?
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 3:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, it wasn't just the torpedos. The combination of the MAC gun and the QTs were enough to destroy it. The archaic line is reference to their time-line. Did you just skim my story?
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Matthiasthe14th
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love this type of story. Keep up on the series.

10/10
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm liking the crossovers. It will finally answer the question, who would win? A Covenant Capital ship or the Enterprise, toe-to-toe.

Well written and well conceived. The dialogue seemed authentic for the most part and the descriptions were quite colorful. My favorite line, in fact, was the first:

Quote:
Space was, at the usual time, empty.


Just a few gripes I'd like to point out:

Quote:
knowing that the defense of the last Outer Colony was peritive to moral, and to the UNSC's current battle plan.


Spelling.

Quote:
Daedelus suspects one Covenant Battlecruiser, and two Destroyers." Commander Shanks reported


Punctuation.

Besides this, it was pretty solid. I look forward to the next.

- Arthur
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