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Ascension: Chapter 1

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 1:06 pm    Post subject: Ascension: Chapter 1 Reply with quote

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Ascension: Chapter 1
Posted by Dragonclaws (nogard@gmail.com)
7 September 2006, 4:38 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dragonclaws0907060438591.html
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Cassus Falco
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Joined: 12 Mar 2005
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Location: Oh, I'm hanging around near a picket fence on a grassy knoll off Dealey Plaza.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, I have a little tiny problem; you should split the first three paragraphs into a few more.

And why is no one using indents anymore!?!

And what's with the doublespacing between paragraphs!?!

Other than those tiny, little, insignificant, baby little (and slightly troubling, at least for the last two) problems, it was good. Very clever. I like this revelation:

Quote:
"My god," the Human Commander said in a quiet voice. "That's"

"Earth," finished the other Human.


Also, I liked the Arbiter's admission that he no longer believes in the Prophet's declarations.

Thanks for a great story.
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cassus Falco wrote:
And why is no one using indents anymore!?!

And what's with the doublespacing between paragraphs!?!

It's called block paragraphing, Cassus. Lots of really good writers do it.
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Cassus Falco
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry, Spartan006, but I just don't like the block paragraphing; I don't know why but it really annoys me. Maybe I think its just a touch unprofessional, but, then again, this site isn't exactly professional?

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that this site isn't; if it held itself up too high, then, I don't know, there would be no chance for inexperienced writers, such as myself, to improve, which I felt I have done.

Thanks, Spartan006.
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Dragonclaws
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the praise.

Cassus Falco wrote:
First, I have a little tiny problem; you should split the first three paragraphs into a few more.


Would you please post an example?

Quote:
And why is no one using indents anymore!?!


Well, I am homeschooled, so I wasn't taught to write professionally. Few people use it here on the net, so I saw no reason to include it.

Quote:
And what's with the doublespacing between paragraphs!?!


From HBO guidelines:

HBO wrote:
Your story can be made more readable without adding ANY pseudocode - if you choose to use 'block paragraphs'. All that's needed is an extra line between paragraphs to break the text up. This is probably the easiest solution for people not interested in adding extra code (but not willing to see their stories rejected for lack of readability).
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Spartan006
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dragonclaws wrote:

Quote:
And why is no one using indents anymore!?!


Well, I am homeschooled, so I wasn't taught to write professionally. Few people use it here on the net, so I saw no reason to include it.
Now is a good time to start. All you have to do is put this, [indent], at the beginning of the sentence.
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Dragonclaws
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 11:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spartan006 wrote:
Dragonclaws wrote:

Quote:
And why is no one using indents anymore!?!


Well, I am homeschooled, so I wasn't taught to write professionally. Few people use it here on the net, so I saw no reason to include it.
Now is a good time to start. All you have to do is put this, [indent], at the beginning of the sentence.


Okay. I've already submitted the next chapter indent-less, though.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dragonclaws wrote:
Quote:
Okay. I've already submitted the next chapter indent-less, though.

You can indent if you want to, but block paragraphing is just fine. I do not use indents, and neither does Jillybean. It's up to each author, so don't let anyone else tell you how to do it. Some folks indent, others block paragraph: just so long as you are doing one or the other, you're fine.

C.T. Clown
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Dr Sky Tower
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't see any problems with your use of code, I myself prefer to indent and not put extra line spaces after each dialogue/paragraph etc. Although it does create a lot more work!!! Laughing

Excellent! I enjoyed this story, there's nothing here that I think would need improving. Flows well, great rendition of the end of Halo 2. Looking forward to the next chapter Wink
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Hardballer
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well it seems that the ident/no-ident point has been argued to death. Lol.

Anyway, awesome story mate. Kicks the cr*p outta my stories...

Keep up the good work.
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