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Tin Cans: Grunts

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 1:05 pm    Post subject: Tin Cans: Grunts Reply with quote

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Tin Cans: Grunts
Posted by Andres (andres_vera2000@yahoo.com)
5 September 2006, 1:11 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Andres0905060111231.html
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Cassus Falco
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Joined: 12 Mar 2005
Posts: 58
Location: Oh, I'm hanging around near a picket fence on a grassy knoll off Dealey Plaza.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good, but you need more characterisation, and a touch more emotion. What exactly is an MFV anyway?

Other than that some GPS errors.

Still, good job.
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Andres
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cassus Falco wrote:
It's good, but you need more characterisation, and a touch more emotion. What exactly is an MFV anyway?

Other than that some GPS errors.

Still, good job.

MFV= Marine Fighting Vehicle, what a Bradley would be today.
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Cassus Falco
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Joined: 12 Mar 2005
Posts: 58
Location: Oh, I'm hanging around near a picket fence on a grassy knoll off Dealey Plaza.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I know that an MFV is a Marine Fighting Vehicle, but that is pretty vague, doncha think?
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 11:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good. As Cassus said, there wasn't a lot of characterisation, and there were a few errors in GPS, but it was pretty good. Keep it up.
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