HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Court of Darkness (chapter two): Kimberly Joy
Posted by Chuckles
31 August 2006, 4:18 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Chuckles0831061618141.html

[Radont]

I took a break out of my own writing (for real) to read through this one and I'm glad I did. I especially like the description of the three guys jumping over the bar then getting blasted. I could almost hear the gunshots sitting here and I could definately see the heads exploding.

Great, gruesome job, as usual.

[SeverianofUrth]

I'm guessing that this is a continuation of the storyline in Ghosts of Erebus, and I'm happy about that--I think that was your best series, out of the three you've finished so far. But I guess this means that Chuckles definitely isn't coming back, unless some unholy flash-cloning is referenced and the Clown is brought back, Frankenstein-style. I wouldn't mind that, if you came up with something awesome to explain it.

As Radont said, 'great, gruesome job, as usual.'

[Syotica]

[monitor101]

I just finished reading Ghosts of Erebus and wow what a story, now I see why everyone lauded it. As always brilliant job on this one, Chuckles. Just a question but are you like the alter ego of Stephen King?
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1219720275&ref=profile

http://www.myspace.com/wasup1989hotmailcom

[me]

Kings got nothing on the clown.
Now Im really curious as to whatever is stalking people at night....sounds like a friend of mine actually...well the stalking part anyway.

[Azrael]

One GPS error in there. You used a "you're" when it should have been "your." Usually that's the other way around with young writers, so I was surprised to see this. But that was very minor.

I'm just going to put this out there, and it's a very minor quibble, but still: I don't like your naming of the ODST Captain Helljumper. I love the author, he got me started on HBOFF, but I really wish you had named him a regular name. It would make the character much more believable in my mind. Only certain people get by with only one name; Pele, Bono, Sting, and Mom...Helljumper just seems like a cop out. But that's a minor quibble. Doesn't really alter the fact that this is yet ANOTHER great chapter put out by a very accomplished author.

Great images in this chapter: Sagus and Helljumper waiting in the rain. The dialouge was brief but effective, it was alive in my mind.

[edit] Oh yeah! And the first paragraph was BRILLIANT. It gets lost in the plot as we speed along, but it was VERY effective. This is a town gripped by fear and coping as well as they can, and I though that scene was vibrant, vintage Chuckles, and a great way to set the tone for the chapter. Bravo to that opening.

Every time I picture the rebels I get a circa 1980 IRA vibe. Wool, scally caps, patches on sweaters kind of thing. I like the strong female lead of O'C. I'm excited to see how you develop that character.

As always, your readers know you've got the plot planned out in your head, and you will only release tidbits to us as you see fit. You create excellent suspense and tease with a masterful touch. I will continue to be led happily along by my short leash. Get the next one out.

In the words of Fort Minor, "Without even trying, how does he DO it?"
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.

[Chuckles]

Azrael wrote:

[Mech]

Well done once again Chuckles. A great chapter for the series.

A small note, though. Was this meant to be an inside joke about short tales of Terror #3? I think other people will get it now.

[Guardian]

I loved the irony you used in her name and the final sentence.

[Turpertrator]

Another good chapter, my friend.

Fighting injustice is always a great story, even if it carried out by those who have no choice but to circumvent the sanctioned authority.
_________________
Turpertrator

Read Turper's stories here: http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?author=Turpertrator

[Arthur Wellesley]

I loved the opening scene with kid and his mother, reading the Bible - talk about setting the mood! The atmosphere there was as thick as pea soup, so to speak. I really quite liked how you captured the innocence of a child in such a horrific world. It really made the scene come together and work just as it should.

I also really liked the concept of the Industrial Pallisades and the Industrial Board of Governors. Its little details like this that really put you in the story. It stands to reason that there would be a host of little beaureaucratic organizations on all the colonies. Too often in fics people refer sweepingly to the UNSC as if there are no private corporations or local governments. Nice.

Great development of all the characters, big and small. The little touches and character histories you put in for Terrence and the Chief of Police, even though neither as yet had a huge impact on the story, were just great. Everyone seemed really fleshed out and real. Character driven stories have always been my favorite.

Nice use of language throught as well, as per usual. Notably:

[Chuckles]

Radont wrote:

[SYSTEM]

The pestilence that walketh in darkness?

Dude, that's a freak coincidence! Cryptopsy have a song that quotes this verse (which is, unsurprisingly, called "The Pestilence that Walketh in Darkness), and I happened to be listening to it while reading the opening part of this story!

It's quite fitting...

I'll read the rest in a bit when I calm down, but I'm looking forward to this with great anticipation.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

[Mech]