HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Vignettes of Horror: Happiness, War, Vagina, and The Dead Gi
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:05 pm    Post subject: Vignettes of Horror: Happiness, War, Vagina, and The Dead Gi Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Vignettes of Horror: Happiness, War, Vagina, and The Dead Girl
Posted by SeverianofUrth
24 August 2006, 4:36 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=SeverianofUr0824061636331.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Dr Sky Tower
Member


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 120
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh? Uh, ok...

This story is just too weird for my liking. Shocked

Female reproductive anatomy to describe "war" Question

Oooohkay. I take it this must be a poetic description of war. Right.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
CoLd BlooDed
Moderator


Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 706
Location: Noit acol.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sky Tower, if you knew anything about what Severian's writing is like, you wouldn't say something like that. Instead, you'd take it in and enjoy the originality of this story.

You wrote:
that what they were—


Supposed to be that's, I'm assuming.

Anyways, great job, brings me back to the good ol days of randomized Severian writing. I'm still trying to figure out the message in this, THERE IS ALWAYS A MESSAGE.

I liked the second passage a lot more than the first, something about flash cloning a woman, reconstructing her face, and killing the original attracts me to the idea that things in the 26th century could be a lot different than we interpret. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Mech
Member


Joined: 11 Jun 2006
Posts: 29
Location: Zoom in on Idaho by about 100x and maybe you'll find the dot on the map called Victor

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, this was in almost NO WAY RELATED to Halo at all, except for the Harvest part, along with the slight Spartan reference.

This was physcopath's story. No sense at all, made up words (wtf did the brocolli word mean!?), and just....weird plot.

2/10 (1/10 being gibberish), just for actually writing something.

Please, don't write again. You'll probably get a cult of freaks to follow you, somehow claiming getting a message off of this.


Last edited by Mech on Sat Aug 26, 2006 2:40 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
thedarkfire
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 2:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mech you ignorant fool.

Read it in a bit Sev
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
CoLd BlooDed
Moderator


Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 706
Location: Noit acol.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mech wrote:
Ok, this was in almost NO WAY RELATED to Halo at all, except for the Harvest part, along with the slight Spartan reference.

This was physcopath's story. No sense at all, made up words (wtf did the brocolli word mean!?), and just....weird plot.

2/10 (1/10 being gibberish), just for actually writing something.

Please, don't write again. You'll probably get a cult of freaks to follow you, somehow claiming getting a message off of this.


Mech, do you even know who you're flaming? Obviously you haven't been here long enough to know what Severian is about. You've made a fool of yourself...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Azrael
Member


Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 504
Location: Boston

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part of the challenge of Halo Fan Fiction is move beyond the pale of normal storylines. Haven't read it yet, Sev, but I will absolutely defend a fan fic that makes at least passing reference to the Haloverse.

If we judged works on how much they related to the Haloverse, no one would read Russ687's "Acts of Conspiracy," arguably his best work.

As for psychopathic characters and disturbing plotlines, what would we do with poor Chuckles, one of our authors? We'd be missing some literary treats THERE, kiddies.

Whatever shocks us, terrifies us, thrills us, kills us, saddens us, makes us, breaks us; fills ourselves with passion, pride, anger, joy, or any kind of emotion...THAT is what we, as authors, should strive for.

At the risk of sounding mean to Mech (no offense), but I'm proud to be a Sev cult member.
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mech
Member


Joined: 11 Jun 2006
Posts: 29
Location: Zoom in on Idaho by about 100x and maybe you'll find the dot on the map called Victor

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would much rather post my reply in the form of a Private Message, so this thread dosen't turn into a war abot Sev's writing talent. But I don't want to be seen as someone who will not publicly defend his opion.

To me, this story didn't really make sense to me at all. Of course, I haven't been here long, or seen Sev's other work. But from my point of view, it seemed like a story that had no coherency at all. I mean, where did that word he made up come from? And also, the second half did not have any relation to the first half to me. It went from a girl becoming a SPARTAN and being happily married with a, um 'vagina' and then losing everything but her vagina, to a girl who seemed a polar opposite getting a anime cosmetic makeover.

You probably see a message in this, but to me, all I see is two halfs of two different stories.

I admit the cult comments were harsh, so I take them back.

And the only reason I said it was almost in no way related to the Halo universe was to underline my confusion in this story even being considered a Halo fanfic.

And for the psychopath comment also, it was alittle overboard, but thats what the author seemed to be to me because of the above-mentioned reasons about what I thought of the story.

I stand by my decision to give this a low score, but maybe i'm missing something that explains this fan fic better. Maybe with more time reading his stuff will have me look back at my last post and slap myself in the head with a blunt spoon for being such a shallow moron.

And sorry if everyone starts arguing about how good Sev is after this post, but I don't really see it right now.

-Mech
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mech, Sev's done serious writing, and random writing.


Sev, you're nuts. Just when I thought you couldn't get nutsier!

Despite being totally random, y'still manage to hold together and keep everything clear, understandable, and the shorter sentence structure allows for quick punchlines.

Reminds me of the rant I did on cosmetic surgery back at the ole' rant site.

Nuts, man, nuts!

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Guardian
BANNED


Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 831
Location: Kicked to the curb.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sev doesn't follow the usual guidelines like we do, he instead opts to a chaotic fashion, but still holds true to the stories existing within the Halo universe.

Just because there isn't a blattant connection doesn't mean the story doesn't exist in the Haloverse, it doesn't necessary have to be from the point of view of a Spartan or a Marine.

I found the story to be very interesting Sev, nice job as always. I loved this part especially the most
Quote:
and finding that attempting to rape a Spartan (being men in masculine careers, they found women to be an interestingly exploitive anomaly in the scheme of fuck-me-fuck-you-fuck-fuck-let's-fuck of things)
the use of the f-word was just down right amusing.

Haha, commiting sepukku with a shovel. Oh god that'd be f*cking painful.

Quote:
Her body was then wrapped in saran wrap; then, a flash clone was made. The real Anna Duvlosy was sucked into the tube, and her body was cut up and rendered into tissue transplants.


The clone had lovely eyes and a nice nose. It was a very happy marriage.
That is extremely creepy if you actually think about it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mech wrote:
Quote:
Please, don't write again. You'll probably get a cult of freaks to follow you, somehow claiming getting a message off of this.

I have no problem with you disliking this story--that's your business. However, asking a skilled and respected writer such as Severian to cease writing Halo fanfics is rude and perhaps even childish. This is not the first story he has submitted and I certainly hope it isn't the last. If you don't like it, don't read it. I haven't read it yet, so I don't even know if I'll like it, but I do know that Sev has submitted some of the most thoughtful and creative stuff on HBOFF, and therefore deserves some respect.

Sev, I'll read it and leave a review soon.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Azrael
Member


Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 504
Location: Boston

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, to a different matter (by the by, I think we have this week's "Most controversial submission" winner Smile )

Mech, I absolutely stand by your decision to give Sev a low grade. Having not read it yet, I can't tell you if I think you're right, but I don't think ANY member should be attacked for giving an author a low rating if the author is established and respected. I was opposed to some of the things you said, true, but I will fully defend the right to say you didn't like it. So please keep that in mind.

I think we all appreciate, from time to time, being taken to task on a chapter that was not our finest hour. "Dem's the breaks, kid."

...And at some point I'll be SURE to review this.

...One last thing (and please don't discuss this on this thread), some dedicated person should review all the stories for the week and put up a "Best submission," "Most controversial," "Most n00b," etc. That would be interesting and a great conversation starter. That's all I have to say about that.
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The first part of this story was creative (as usual), but not exactly my cup of tea. You were quite graphic in your language and I don't think I understand the reason behind it all. Perhaps there is no reason, or maybe you prefer to let the reader respond as they will and leave it at that. Still, one of the things I love about your writing is your ability to attack a subject from oblique angles, and you certainly did that here.

I did, however, liked this bit:
Quote:
... they dated her and gave her flowers. War ate them all.


I liked the second half a lot better, although I am not sure how it related to the first half. The single common thread I spotted was the propensity of those who have power (be they institutions, governments or people around us) to remake the individual into an image or form that is more suitable for their use.

I thought this openning was especially inventive:
Quote:
Extensive planning had to be laid out before the plan could be put into action. The plan being of course the blueprints for evolution, the church-ordained guides for appropriate genetic modifications—an extra finger was acceptable, but not two, and certainly no extra hands or arms sprouting from some unholy place of the body. No wings; that was heresy. No extra mouths, or a small nose, but big eyes—what they called 'anime-magic'—was acceptable. Extra intelligence up to the 180 quota was accepted, but anything beyond it was to be shunned.

Excellent. Totally out of left field, yet it makes some kind of twisted sense. I found it quite humorous as well. This half of the story showcases a part of your style that I like to call "understated brutality." You describe something horrific happening, but do it in such a calm, understated manner that, in the end, we are caught off guard. You write about it as a person would who is conditioned by society to see it as normal--and that makes it all the more glaring and obvious to the reader.

All in all, I didn't like this one very much. I found the ending inventive, but your first half didn't seem to make much sense. Still, it's good to see you around and submitting again. I've always found your writing to be some of the most free and inventive on this site. Hope to see more from you soon.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Azathoth
Member


Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was really pretty disturbing. I haven't seen many stories more disturbing than this since I came here. Man, you're good at writing, Sev.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mech
Member


Joined: 11 Jun 2006
Posts: 29
Location: Zoom in on Idaho by about 100x and maybe you'll find the dot on the map called Victor

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chuckles wrote:
Mech wrote:
Quote:
Please, don't write again. You'll probably get a cult of freaks to follow you, somehow claiming getting a message off of this.

I have no problem with you disliking this story--that's your business. However, asking a skilled and respected writer such as Severian to cease writing Halo fanfics is rude and perhaps even childish. This is not the first story he has submitted and I certainly hope it isn't the last. If you don't like it, don't read it. I haven't read it yet, so I don't even know if I'll like it, but I do know that Sev has submitted some of the most thoughtful and creative stuff on HBOFF, and therefore deserves some respect.

Sev, I'll read it and leave a review soon.

C.T. Clown


Once again, I admit that that last comment was below the belt, and I take it back.

But thanks, guys, for not going crazy about what I wrote like other fourms I used to go to would.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group