HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

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Society - The Hunting Dome
Posted by Jillybean (jillybean@bungie.org)
7 August 2006, 11:00 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jillybean0807061100221.html

mooching sack of death · Member Joined: 20 Apr 2005 Posts: 25 Location: bleh

woot! long time no see XD it's so refreshing to read your stuff again!

i really liked this one. it's nice seeing/hearing familiar faces again, esp. since they're from your P&W story. i think it showed a different side to some of the characters and to me, that's what made it so cool. are you going to keep building on it? *begs*

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Indeed. Is good to see you around, Jilly. Especially considering I've been away the better part of a month. Good to be reading your stuff yet again.

I won't even try to critique this one, but I will still tell you what I thought of it:

As always, the presentation of the Elites (sorry, I still call them that) was refreshing to the last. Nice to see some counter-culture at times. There wasn't much that stood out to me, but it was still a good read. A nice little story, with a leading ending. I must admit I am not the greatest follower of your stories, and so often cannot remember the specifics behind the names, but it's still pleasant to recolect what I can.

Keep it up, as I know you will.
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-MCC

Syotica · Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:39 pm Post subject:

Jilly! Another Covenant POV! Rejoice. A nice soothing story for my eyes today.

I'm liking what you used in this story; not always a battleground setting but a quaint setting at High Charity before the split of the Covenant, and then how it led up to a 'The ground underneath 'Vadumee's feet grew steeper and he felt his one, large lung begin to work overtime as they neared the small lake.' Nice. Smile

Keep in mind that 'Brutes' don't call themselves Brutes in the Covenant. That's a human name. Jiralhanae is more like it. Don't forget the translations.

I've got a quick question: why didn't they use Plasma Rifles but Spears instead? I can't tell what time period this is, but it could be the earlier parts of the Covenant.

Overall, very nicely done. Looking forward to anymore work you might have. Smile

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

I'd hate to answer for Jilly here, but I believe that the reason the group focused on used spears was... for tradition's sake. Using Plasma weaponry would be too easy, and not nearly as honorable. You actually have to contact your prey to bring it down, get closer -- a more intimate fight instead of hit in run or fire from a distance.

That's my take.
_________________
-MCC

Syotica · Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:50 pm Post subject:

Azathoth · Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:37 am Post subject:

'Nosolee · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 73 Location: Manhattan

I really liked the development of the relationship between 'Vadumee and 'Fulsamee as well as the inclusion of a hunting dome similar to the one in the HGN. It's interesting to see another's take on what the future Half-Jaw and Arbiter's relationship was like before they became their respective In-Game characters (back in the day when things were "nice"). I didn't come across any GPS errors. I do suggest indenting each paragraph (though it is not at all necessary). I personally find it makes the story look more "official" and readable even though there are spaces between paragraphs (people often post that I don't space enough between paragraphs on my own stories, go figure).

One line seemed slightly out of character--when the Elites say "I'm game." I'm not sure what they would say to convey that they're up for a challenge, but "I'm game" sounded like something an American teenager would say rather than a Sangheili Supreme Commander. Otherwise it was a great, refreshing as some have already said, read. 9.75/10 so far as halo fan fics go.

Jillybean · Darth Diva Joined: 17 Dec 2004 Posts: 299

Syotica - bollocks, did I leave one of the 'Brutes' in? I thought I'd got them all. Ahh well.

And yes, the reason for using the spears was traditional. 'Talsamee's party were going to use plasma weapons and mar the hides. Since the Sangheili like to keep the pelts, if they've got one that's all plasma scored it's market value is significantly decreased. The difference between going into someones house and seeing a lovely clean pelt or a pelt with half the fur melted off is a difference in social status.

This series is going to be a little disjointed as it's not a continuing story so much as many stories taking place in the same universe and all with the same theme as society. I'd like to explore how Rtas went from respecting the Arbiter to saying that the Arbiter's life meant nothing to him.

Syotica · Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:23 pm Post subject:

Dr Sky Tower · Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:41 pm Post subject:

These are the stories that got me interested in writing Halo fanfic Rolling Eyes

Nice to see those characters back again. I've always enjoyed reading stories from an alien POV (Covenant, Sentinels, whatever!) Makes a nice change from reading the usual endless battle scenes between Covenant/Flood/UNSC. Plus I like to see the aliens/covenant as their own society. It gives them a new angle.

Hunting domes, now that's something new and interesting.