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Titans (Part 1)

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 11:48 pm    Post subject: Titans (Part 1) Reply with quote

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Titans (Part 1)
Posted by Mr Bill Jr V (mr_bill_jr_5@hotmail.com)
21 October 2004, 3:56 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mr_bill_jr_v.1021041556111.html
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Obacohc
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Joined: 27 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's "United Nations Space Command" not "United Nations Star Command."
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Pajari
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Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 100
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very, very good.

The desription and the action moved naturally from one point to the next, and, even though you can be a bit long-winded at times, the description gave new meanign to the characters. And the poetic introduction, while confusing for a bit, was nonetheless effective, especially for a dream sequence. Overall, even though not a whole lot happened in this piece, this is something you can be proud of.

(And yes, it is United Nations Space Command. but who really gives a damn?)
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CovieKilla
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Obacohc wrote:
It's "United Nations Space Command" not "United Nations Star Command."


Bill knows, I talk to Bill often and he likes to...drift away from the crowd. I myself corrected him on that and he said "Its my story, and I think using the common acronym makes it look bland." (Not an EXACT quote, but pretty close) It would also explain why some things are different in future stories.

Great read Bill, glad to know you finished finally, keep up the awesome work.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pajari wrote:
(And yes, it is United Nations Space Command. but who really gives a damn?)
I do.

Anyway. On to the story itself.
Very nice. You gave it a wonderful poetic feel that conveyed great emotion where you needed it. It seemed to be in a somber toan, peaceful the whole way through, while still putting forth a feeling of dread and fearful expectation.
The use of detail was splendid. The picture you painted was as clear as I am seeing my computer now; nowhere did I get more than a tad confused.
For one reason or the other, I had flashbacks from Star Wars from this. I could picture on of the old classic movies in my mind, with the instrumentals and all.

Overall, you did a fantastic job. It didn't move by to fast, spreading the story out over the whole page, while still maintaining a depth to keep it interesting. I'm going to read the others as soon as I can.
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mr bill
is a step away from a ban.


Joined: 01 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CovieKilla wrote:
Great read Bill, glad to know you finished finally, keep up the awesome work.


Thanks-- this thing almost killed me, but yah, finnaly finished it off. K Squire gave me a hand with it too, so some thanks are due there.

Wado... never got back to me on it, but I can't blame him if he was working over Brandon's new story :- )
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