HBO Fan Fiction

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Recce, Chapter Two
Posted by Zombie (kolin013@hotmail.com)
3 August 2006, 3:24 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Zombie0803060324101.html

[Arthur Wellesley]

To the good old days.

You have a very nice series here. Some good originality compounded by mystery. The dialogue is fast-paced and charged with energy, especially with the realistic military lingo. The action sequences, too, worked quite well.

However, I felt it all could have been slowed down a notch so that we may gain a greater understanding of the characters and the context of the story. While I like to delve perhaps too deeply into such things, I thought the description to action ratio was too low.

Also, the military lingo, while it certainly had to effect of putting you in the moment, was a bit overwhelming and distracting. Being unacquainted with the finer points of army-speak myself, things like ROE and SIT REP had me feeling like I was being left out of the conversation. Consider providing more explanation, reducing its frequency, or a little bit of both.

Lastly, and this is only a small and petty gripe, I thought this a little strange:

[Zombie]

cheers sir, thanks for the feedback, I will do my best to fix these issues.

for the record, ROE means rules of engagement and SIT REP means situation report. Recce is the short form of Reconaissance.

and i guess the reason i put faulty equipment in is because when you are on a mission such as Dagmar and his team, you don't necessarily go in with top of the line gear, just the stuff that gets the job done without having to carry too much. and of course, the canadian armed forces have the shittiest radios and night vision, so it's just natural that i give these guys crap equipment.

thanks again, more feedback like this would be awesome.

[Azrael]

I apologize, I just got into LA and I will get around to this hopefully by the next update. I'm sure it's excellent.
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...now that's some gritty shizzle.