HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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R.I.P
Posted by CoLd BlooDed (broken_lizard12@hotmail.com)
21 October 2004, 4:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cold_blooded.1021040412271.html

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

Well done CoLd! It's great to see some good poetry Very Happy

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Touching.
_________________
-MCC

Syotica · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:57 am Post subject:

Pretty nice. I'll reflect on that.

CovieKilla · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 2:47 am Post subject:

I enjoyed it, CoLd. Nice to see some poetry from you. Keep up the good work!

Jamirus99 · Member Joined: 24 Oct 2004 Posts: 6

You make me proud Cold. You've come a long way since I followed your every move. But...just a few things to keep you in line. (Don't think, however, that this is not a glowing review...you've improved tremendously.)

Here lies a corpse,
Worthless and expendable
Only to the naked eye,
On his officers, dependable.

Awkward. I don't know what that line is supposed to be...I understand you could not use "to" again, considering its use in the previous line, but there had to be a better way around "on."

I was going to make a comment about the last line in the second stanza, only to realize, in reflection, that it was fine the way it was.

Bravo.

romac1991 · Member Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 22 Location: Japan

dang...thats deep Shocked

Helljumper · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 298 Location: Pittsburgh

Battalion Attention. Present Arms. (moment of silence) Order Arms. Parade Rest. Company commanders take charge of your units.

Great job Cold, very touching. On behalf of 4th Battalion, 1st ODST Regiment we commend you and our fellow fallen Marine.

ODST

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:18 pm Post subject:

Thank you very much, Helljumper, and the others who found time to read this poem.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

SYSTEM · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:33 pm Post subject:

Touching to the last. The horrors of war surface.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

'Nosolee · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 73 Location: Manhattan

Wow, it's somewhat sad that I now only have time to read the storys/poems written by people that I knew during my writing days @HBO. What's good, is that those people, aka CoLd, make my visit worthwhile.

So the traditional and archaic scoring report=9.25/10.

Wink

Pajari · Member Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Posts: 100 Location: Luna

This poem had it's high points (A platoon abandoned / Assistance denied) and it's low points (Here lies a martyr/ Him losing his wager), but it was one of the best pieces of poetry I've read on these forums.

Good stuff.

Nick Kang · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:42 pm Post subject:

Yeah, it was very touching. I like how it expressed that, although the Human forces are cornered and losing, that people just keep on enlisting to fight.
_________________
Eighty percent of human wisdom is the desire to not butt into other peoples' business, and the other twenty percent doesn't matter.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:43 pm Post subject:

Thanks Pajara, 'Nosolee, and Dave for your further comments.

I'm in a poem-writing spree, now.

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:44 pm Post subject:

Oh, and thank you too, Nick, it seems you posted milliseconds before I posted my response to the others.