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R.I.P
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 11:48 pm    Post subject: R.I.P Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

R.I.P
Posted by CoLd BlooDed (broken_lizard12@hotmail.com)
21 October 2004, 4:12 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=cold_blooded.1021040412271.html
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Conrad Lauf
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done CoLd! It's great to see some good poetry Very Happy
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Touching.
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty nice. I'll reflect on that.
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CovieKilla
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I enjoyed it, CoLd. Nice to see some poetry from you. Keep up the good work!
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Jamirus99
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Joined: 24 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 3:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You make me proud Cold. You've come a long way since I followed your every move. But...just a few things to keep you in line. (Don't think, however, that this is not a glowing review...you've improved tremendously.)

Here lies a corpse,
Worthless and expendable
Only to the naked eye,
On his officers, dependable.


Awkward. I don't know what that line is supposed to be...I understand you could not use "to" again, considering its use in the previous line, but there had to be a better way around "on."

I was going to make a comment about the last line in the second stanza, only to realize, in reflection, that it was fine the way it was.

Bravo.
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romac1991
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 3:32 am    Post subject: ... Reply with quote

dang...thats deep Shocked
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Helljumper
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Battalion Attention. Present Arms. (moment of silence) Order Arms. Parade Rest. Company commanders take charge of your units.

Great job Cold, very touching. On behalf of 4th Battalion, 1st ODST Regiment we commend you and our fellow fallen Marine.

ODST
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you very much, Helljumper, and the others who found time to read this poem.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Touching to the last. The horrors of war surface.

- Dave.
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'Nosolee
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, it's somewhat sad that I now only have time to read the storys/poems written by people that I knew during my writing days @HBO. What's good, is that those people, aka CoLd, make my visit worthwhile.

So the traditional and archaic scoring report=9.25/10.

Wink
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Pajari
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This poem had it's high points (A platoon abandoned / Assistance denied) and it's low points (Here lies a martyr/ Him losing his wager), but it was one of the best pieces of poetry I've read on these forums.

Good stuff.
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Nick Kang
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, it was very touching. I like how it expressed that, although the Human forces are cornered and losing, that people just keep on enlisting to fight.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Pajara, 'Nosolee, and Dave for your further comments.

I'm in a poem-writing spree, now.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and thank you too, Nick, it seems you posted milliseconds before I posted my response to the others.
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