| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
hboff
Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4351
|
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
Sterfrye36
Member
Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 419
Location: The Good Old US of A!
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:22 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
So, the great Agent Shade has returned at last. Not one to disappoint, are you?
Well, it seems to be an intriguing story so far: uknown enemy, neither human nor Covenant. Extremely fast and powerful...but it can still be injured. I'm glad to see that you haven't fallen into the tendency that many writers have to make such enemies invincible. I'll be keeping an eye on this one. 
_________________
FFPotW Winner Total: 2 (Longsword R: Midway 8/8/08 ) (The Letter 11/14/08 )
"I...have...power issues." -Phae |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Syotica
Moderator
Joined: 26 Sep 2004
Posts: 579
Location: Northern Michigan
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hey Zombie! Welcome back! 
I'll get to this later on tonight.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mr bill
is a step away from a ban.
Joined: 01 Aug 2004
Posts: 0
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 6:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
Solid stuff. Very exciting- tight action writing.
| Quote: | | ...and he saw himself dying. Anger, like he never felt before filled his mind; a burning fire that was growing in size. And while this happening, Scott could feel something take control of him. He was nothing anymore, just a thought, a memory. What was happening to him? |
I particularly liked this. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Zombie
Member
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Posts: 24
Location: Raccoon City
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
| thanks folks |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Azrael
Member
Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 504
Location: Boston
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
Nearly flawless. Wow. This was tight, vivid, and full of suspense.
THIS is what a first chapter should be. The tactics are spot-on, the dialouge between team and command is authentic...it works.
You missed ONE thing. I think you wrote "seized fire" instead of "ceased fire," unless that's a tactic I'm ignorant of. Otherwise, you've got a fantastic start. I really like this and will happily read chapter two.
Cheers to this submission.
_________________
...now that's some gritty shizzle.
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
