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Recce, Chapter One

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 11:58 am    Post subject: Recce, Chapter One Reply with quote

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Recce, Chapter One
Posted by Zombie (kolin013@hotmail.com)
22 July 2006, 6:22 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Zombie0722060622431.html
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Sterfrye36
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, the great Agent Shade has returned at last. Not one to disappoint, are you?

Well, it seems to be an intriguing story so far: uknown enemy, neither human nor Covenant. Extremely fast and powerful...but it can still be injured. I'm glad to see that you haven't fallen into the tendency that many writers have to make such enemies invincible. I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Cool
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Syotica
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Zombie! Welcome back! Very Happy

I'll get to this later on tonight. Wink
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mr bill
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 6:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Solid stuff. Very exciting- tight action writing.

Quote:
...and he saw himself dying. Anger, like he never felt before filled his mind; a burning fire that was growing in size. And while this happening, Scott could feel something take control of him. He was nothing anymore, just a thought, a memory. What was happening to him?


I particularly liked this.
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Zombie
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks folks
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Azrael
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Joined: 10 Aug 2004
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Location: Boston

PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nearly flawless. Wow. This was tight, vivid, and full of suspense.

THIS is what a first chapter should be. The tactics are spot-on, the dialouge between team and command is authentic...it works.

You missed ONE thing. I think you wrote "seized fire" instead of "ceased fire," unless that's a tactic I'm ignorant of. Otherwise, you've got a fantastic start. I really like this and will happily read chapter two.

Cheers to this submission.
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