HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Education: Chapter III of IV
Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
30 June 2006, 7:03 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dagorath0630060703441.html

noobylam · Member Joined: 18 May 2006 Posts: 55 Location: compton

Ahhh!!! The one I've been waiting for...the third chapter! Very Happy

Man, my brain malfunctioned after trying to solve the math questions. I didn't learn it yet... Confused

There were a few grammar mistakes and you forgot to indent; Did you forget to use the Code on purpose? The last 2 had the same errors. Confused

Well, Are you working on your fourth chapter? I'm feeling eager to read more, and I'm sure the others are as well! Very Happy

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Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:32 pm Post subject:

Shut up! For God's sake, stop rambling about the Code! He paragraphed his writing and had no need to throw in italics or bolds or underlines, and you're driving me mad with the constant Code rubbish. That's for people who write TWODs, not people who paragraph their work in their own style.

Sorry, Dagorath. Again, another really good installment, though some aspects of it I found a bit unreal, for lack of a better word. Maybe it was just me, but during the encounter with the Brutes, though you did a good job of showing them as extremely scary and powerful beings, I thought they seemed a bit human. But it was just the high five, and really, that's a terribly tiny detail for me to be going on about, but thats the only fault I could find.

You also did well at capturing the personality and manerisms of someone like Tommy, to me he seemed to fit his role perfectly as the outsider drawn to a beautiful woman who - at least as far as can be seen - accepts him. I like how you're developing his character as your story progresses, and am looking forward to the conclusion.

Edit: We use the Heinemann's at school too, haven't touched on that 'diabolical' piece of maths you included, though Razz

Dagorath · Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:56 am Post subject:

Bonsoir! Thanks for the comments. No offence - well, actually, offence meant - but I find your comments hilarious, Nooby. People like you just make me realise how un-hopeless I really am. Thanks for the support, Wolf. I know exactly what you're talking about with the Brutes high-five-ing, and I thought a long time to get the explanation thrashed out. So, why did they do it? It's because the Brutes are a part of the Prophet regime, and they're supposed to torment the human population as much as possible. It stems from the part when they said "You first" in English - if they said it in their own language or, more likely, not at all, then it would not have been as mocking. So what the Brutes were trying to do were really mashing it in for the humans, since they used body language that humans used. So the high-five, which we normally do after we finish a task or win a game or something, cuts much deeper than if they had just walked out.

Geddit? Bit convoluted, I know. Oh, and if you ask me, I'll tell you guys how to solve the Maths question.

Johny117 · Member Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 118

Oh my. Dagorath, those Jiralhanae scared the crap outta me. Nice work! Very Happy

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Chiajy · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 122 Location: Singapore

Well, I was going like WTF! at the end of the story. I didn't catch any explanations for the brutes so it was a good suspense for the fourth story. I like the way how you can make people wait for the next series and know where to end. This is essential in story writing.

thedude12345 · Member Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 16

great fourth installment. i loved the part about the brutes, the fight scene was extremely well written, and i can't wait to find out why they did it.
Very anxious to see the fourth installment, keep it up!

Azathoth · Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:20 pm Post subject:

Well, shit. Brutes are not something that you ever want to see walk into your classroom, squish your teacher's head, kill a few of your classmates, and walk back out. Eurgh.

Great chapter. You have to wonder what exactly is going on here and you've done a great job of part-revealing the past through a propaganda haze. Good job. I eagerly await IV of IV.