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We are the spartans

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:55 pm    Post subject: We are the spartans Reply with quote

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We are the spartans
Posted by bowog the grunt (horselovermrk@hotmail.com)
26 June 2006, 2:45 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=bowog_the_gr0626060245261.html
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Johny117
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Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 118

PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 7:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Um, use Code much?

Next time, all you need to do is capitalize some letters, put periods here and there, and add a few commas. Also, try to make it sound a little more...smooth.
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Mark25
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Joined: 12 Jul 2005
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Location: Single and seriously pissed

PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was okay, not bad, not brilliant; functional. Served its purpose without being extravagant, without any real flare. The problem (and the appeal) for me was that it sounded like an opening monologue for a toy range's cartoon, y'know like Dungeons & Dragons. This sort of piece would be read by some macho voiceover dude while a montage of relevant scenes and inane action pieces went by onscreen.

The lack of any punctuation didn't really do the piece any harm, had this been stuck on the back of a DVD, nobody would really have noticed. Least of all its target demographic.

Couple of spelling mistakes which ideally should have been caught or, if you're ever unsure about a word, maybe think it doesn't look right. Pop into a search engine, type it out along with define and have a look, see if it's:

a) Spelt correctly.
2) The appropriate word for the job.

Not always is the word you're looking for, the one you've found. You have a pc, you have the internet(?!), you have no excuses. Good luck with your next project.

I know this seems short and sharp, well, it is. Since any message/meaning or agenda was laid bare in the actual piece, it didn't require me to think about it (a good thing, in a sense).
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bowog the grunt
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Joined: 16 Jun 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

what can you expect i wrote tango company



p.s. check out my sisters work, sleepingdragon80

if it was stuck on the back of a dvd it would first go through about five people to make sure its ok, plus im working on a new series that is much better, i hope to see the fisrt part on here soon.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
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Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bowog the grunt wrote:
if it was stuck on the back of a dvd it would first go through about five people to make sure its ok, plus im working on a new series that is much better, i hope to see the fisrt part on here soon.
Obviously you've never had DVDs from Beijing Razz Good luck with the new series, by the way, and I love your signature.
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bowog the grunt
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote=and I love your signature.[/quote]

thanks!
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