HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Renegade Marines
Posted by pest/swingamajig (car_radical@yahoo.co.uk)
19 June 2006, 2:37 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=pestswingama0619061437011.html

pest/swingamajig · Member Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 21

If no-one answers I'll simply not do "The Last Halo"

Tin Can Man · Member Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 170

Well, it was a good enough story, but there's a couple of things I'd like to point out.

First, try but a space between your Paragraphs. Makes it easier to read Smile

Second, I felt your characters were a bit... off. Your renegade Marines was a good idea, but some bits seemed out of character for what I'd imagine to be a closeknit squad. Leaving a man to limp along behind them seems out of character for a military squad, (Never leave a man behind).

noobylam · Member Joined: 18 May 2006 Posts: 55 Location: compton

LMAO! The marines you're talking about seem a lot like helljumpers Shocked

Are you serious man? They actually stole HUD's without anyone noticing? Especially when they're the "Who gives a shit" type and walks around with one of ONI's personal items. LOL! Very Happy

I'd give it to ya, this one was pretty funny! BRAVO!

Chiajy · Member Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 122 Location: Singapore

Pretty funny, maybe. However, there are some realism problems. First off, how could a bunch of marines sneak into the Spartans training ground and take one of the ONI's most guarded weapon? Adding to what he said above, you can't just walk to the UNSC's recruitment center and say:
"I wanna join the Corps. No pay!" They will give you pay whether you want it or not.