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The Renegade Marines

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 1:20 pm    Post subject: The Renegade Marines Reply with quote

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The Renegade Marines
Posted by pest/swingamajig (car_radical@yahoo.co.uk)
19 June 2006, 2:37 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=pestswingama0619061437011.html
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pest/swingamajig
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Joined: 16 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If no-one answers I'll simply not do "The Last Halo"
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Tin Can Man
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 170

PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it was a good enough story, but there's a couple of things I'd like to point out.

First, try but a space between your Paragraphs. Makes it easier to read Smile

Second, I felt your characters were a bit... off. Your renegade Marines was a good idea, but some bits seemed out of character for what I'd imagine to be a closeknit squad. Leaving a man to limp along behind them seems out of character for a military squad, (Never leave a man behind).
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noobylam
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Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 55
Location: compton

PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO! The marines you're talking about seem a lot like helljumpers Shocked Are you serious man? They actually stole HUD's without anyone noticing? Especially when they're the "Who gives a shit" type and walks around with one of ONI's personal items. LOL! Very Happy

I'd give it to ya, this one was pretty funny! BRAVO!
Quote:
Gus got ditched!

_________________
Age of The Helljumpers...

First to rise, last to fall, helljumpers do it all, feet first into hell
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Chiajy
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 122
Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty funny, maybe. However, there are some realism problems. First off, how could a bunch of marines sneak into the Spartans training ground and take one of the ONI's most guarded weapon? Adding to what he said above, you can't just walk to the UNSC's recruitment center and say:
"I wanna join the Corps. No pay!" They will give you pay whether you want it or not.
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