Dagorath
Member
Joined: 03 Apr 2005
Posts: 264
Location: Energy level 1.5
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 Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:54 am Post subject: |
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Good. Your use of the interview was good. Your GPS was good. Your story had a good plot and stuck to it. However, you do need to put in spaces between your paragraphs. For instance:
| Quote: | "Blam!" the Marine shouted. He fired wildly at the creature and leapt backwards, slipping on the wet blood splattered over the floor.
The thing lurched forwards and whacked out a huge tentacle. It smashed across his face, tearing off his jawbone, and ripping his nose to shreds.
[hr]
He woke up in a hospital. The white, sterile walls seemed to emanate a cold aura that bore down on him. |
That was block paragraphing. Notice my excerpt contained a good deal more descriptions than your fic - something you need to keep in mind.
Alternatively, using indent paragraphing:
| Quote: | [indent]"Blam!" the Marine shouted. He fired wildly at the creature and leapt backwards, slipping on the wet blood splattered over the floor.
[indent]The thing lurched forwards and whacked out a huge tentacle. It smashed across his face, tearing off his jawbone, and ripping his nose to shreds.
[indent]He woke up in a hospital. The white, sterile walls seemed to emanate a cold aura that bore down on him. |
I think you're intelligent enough to understand it. Keep up the good work. |
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