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Victories last hope Ch VI Rage against

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 11:36 am    Post subject: Victories last hope Ch VI Rage against Reply with quote

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Victories last hope Ch VI Rage against
Posted by me (gumdosword@cocmast.net)
7 June 2006, 5:21 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=me0607060521191.html
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me
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Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 155
Location: you dont really want to know

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe if I write really horribly someone will comment. I dont really mind I just want to know that someones actually reading these. Oh and constructive critisism would be nice.
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Jester
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Joined: 26 May 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its a fairly generic storyline. Try to add something unexpected to it. Some of the sentencing is awkward. Work on making everything go togethor. Having things flow really helps.
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me
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you I also think that I need to make it flow better. As for the story line I have been thinking about it and unfortuanatley all my ideas come in further down the line and I mean much further down the line. But I will try my best to shake things up. Thanks for commenting now I know at least one person has read this.
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thedude12345
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Joined: 06 May 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really liked the story and besides the grammatical errors it was pretty well written. I didn't think that the story line was all that generic, the knives were pretty cool. keep them coming!
Cool
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me
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks that means alot to me but now I have two conflicting opinions... I recommend a duel to the death I take the survivors opinion. Just kiddin but I will try to spice up the story line even if its good enough, mostly bgecause if its good enough now I can make it much better.
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