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Prologue
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 11:36 am    Post subject: Prologue Reply with quote

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Prologue
Posted by The Arbitress
7 June 2006, 1:30 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=The_Arbitres0607060130291.html
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 4:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woah! Bonjour, Arbitress! Here is evidence of your much-toted skill, and it's true! Sweet! I liked the idiot Talee and the descriptions were great; the sudden escalation from lethargic frustration to full-scale terror with the exploding gas was first class. And, wonders of wonders, my head hasn't exploded quite yet. Woah!
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Chiajy
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, looks like someones in love.... Laughing joking joking. Anwyway, I still don't really get your story. As a prologue, you have to let the reader have a expectation of something coming in the next series. E.g. A monster scream.
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
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Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dag and Arbitress sitting in a tree...

OK, now has your head exploded? Laughing

Cool of coolness, Arbitress.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 4:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, my head has exploded, though not from the technical jargon. You know, romance is hard to kindle when the two sides live half a world from each other and have never talked.... This is the oddest response to a comment I made that I have ever seen Very Happy
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STEEL RAIN
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Joined: 23 Jan 2006
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Location: WI, New York

PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wonder if a mechanic could posably learn something from this?

I didnt notice any errors in this, but then agian I cant spell half the words that I know.

WILL be looking for the next installment!
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm thinking Harvest, but who knows.

Good format, pretty captivating writing. Though somewhat short.
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Berconius
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Joined: 15 Aug 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I see you got your submission off before me.

Well, seems alright so far. I'm waiting for an indication of chronology. Good spot on not including it.

Pah, Jason's not nerdy until he puts on the plaid. And REAL nerds use scientifics, not graphics. Slide rules if they're old school. :P Still, you only termed him at geeky, so I guess it's fine.
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The Arbitress
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm delightfully surprised! I feel loved.

The sortness is because 1) prologue 2) end of the year exams 3) end of the year term paper (hydrogen fuel cells!) and 4) it just is, deal with it. The title is bland, I know. Some mishap or misunderstanding occured. It was named something else, but unfortunately, I can't remember what that was. Ah well.

(Oh, and Dag? Sorry, I'm taken...)
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Solidus Snake
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: A dying Metal Community

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why hasn't this Talee guy been kicked out already? To childish for even his own age.

The story was alright, some parts I just didn't like. Like the ending. I kinda think you could have wait til next chapter. It is a prologue after all.

Quote:
A pipe in the wall ruptured, spewing the natural gas heating the building.


Weird way to heat the building.

Radiant heating is the use of water being heated by a furnace running through pipes throughout the building which is common in concrete structures. Plus things like geo-thermal heating might be more common in 2552.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jawohl. Geothermal heating is all the rage, as my Geo teacher has drilled into my brain (Geo exam this afternoon). They say you can install it anywhere in Britain. Of course, if it's geothermal, it can't explode, can it? Arbitress will just have make it magma or smth instead, which is much less probable.

(I hate you, Azathoth. And you, Chiagy Very Happy)
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The Arbitress
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Location: Discussing high energy astrophysics with The Arbiter

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pfff, geothermal is far overrated. But you'll see some weird stuff in the next few chapters.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good job on the Bungie interview, by the way, Arbitress. Fascinating facts about Frankie.
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The Arbitress
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wha...?

That was Jillybean...not me...
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doh. Is there a delete button on these posts?
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