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Education: Chapter I of IV
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:50 pm    Post subject: Education: Chapter I of IV Reply with quote

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Education: Chapter I of IV
Posted by Dagorath (hoyinshan@gmail.com)
2 June 2006, 9:55 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Dagorath0602060955281.html
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noobylam
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Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 55
Location: compton

PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:31 am    Post subject: LMAO! Reply with quote

Wow 'Evil captain Keyes' very catchy, and Spartans getting rapped! A lil' mushy, but hilarious! it was pretty good...BUT! Your formatting was horrible Shocked

Just work on your formatting with the pseudocode and it'll turn out even better!

If you want people to read your submissions, use the code or else people ignoring you will be nearly inevitable! You divided your story up, but no italics or indents throughout it.

All well, happens many times! Remember: LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!!!
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Imperorator_Jon
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Joined: 29 Oct 2005
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Location: Moop?

PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I bloody hate that teacher, nice work! I like how your character was the under-dog, the one who has to do it all by himself, for himself. I must admit, you have me hooked on learning more of Tommy's fate!

A traitorous Keys? A covie-loving human? That teacher deserves to be killed by his holiness, the Green N' Mean! Hmm, that would be a nice spin-off, you left it wide open with the "unkown whereabouts" mabey this awesome hero of Tommy's online dreams could be the Master of Disaster himself? You are talented...... add some code and you may be a Chuckles.

That is alot coming from a critic.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi guys. How are you? I've been off for ages; I put in the "I of IV" part just so I can make myself finish the series for once. Let's start with comment appreciation:

Noobylam: I didn't say anything about the Spartans getting raped. And I don't think my formatting is bad. I'm using the block-paragraphing style - it uses spaces instead of indents. There are italics, for instance:

Quote:
He looked at a digital clock suspended on the ceiling among loud game posters and discarded chip packets. 0630.

0630.


If that's not formatting....I don't know what is. Notice also that here:

Quote:
A single tear welled up in Tommy's eyes as he raised his Chemistry textbook up to his forehead, but he dried it with a tissue before it could travel down his cheek.

:evil:HERE IS A HORIZONTAL RULE:evil:

Registration passed as usual. Mrs Hemingway called out their names, starting with "Bradford, George" and ending with "Way, James" and was answered with bored "Here"s. The usual notices followed – Mrs Cooke's badminton club had changed its meeting date from Tuesday to Wednesday, Assembly was on the field instead of in the Hall, a certain Albert Maine had lost his calculator…. Tommy's mind drifted away to a world where he was a tall, handsome mercenary who slew hideous monsters and devious turncoats for a living. He had, in fact, received several engagement proposals from female gamers. One had been quite a looker – she had sent him her photograph – but he had to decline, albeit very reluctantly.


Erm...let's hope you learn from your mistakes, Noobylam.

Imperorator: I bloody hate him too....thanks for the praise. I'm worried about Tommy - he actually gets some balls in the later chapters, and maybe that won't fit. Tommy's online character was only an online character though - it's just his aspirations.
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Chiajy
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dam. Spartans are freaks? Man, how I would love to trash you in halo..you.....{CENCORED}
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Tin Can Man
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looking good, Dag'.
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Azathoth
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you sure you don't know my history teacher?
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whats the deal? The Covenant won the war or something, did they? Or is your teacher just heretic scum? Judging from your part about the Covenant not believing in the sins of the father being passed to the daughter makes me think the first one was correct... Odd.

Good story though, will await the next three.
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 1:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bonjour, mon amis. Yes, the Covenant did win the war, which is why the good Mr Hay is blabbing on about rape charges and benevolent Covies. This is a work of fiction, and it's supposed to be fun/interesting/intriguing to read. If it doesn't kindle that sort of religious fervor in you, then I've failed Very Happy

Thanks for the reviews anyway. (By the way, censored is spelt with an "s".)
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Chiajy
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cencored is spelled with c here in singapore I think. Anyway, I can only think of four things for that story. Either the covenent won the war and decided to be friendly hippies and not kill of all humans or this is a long time after the war and there are now historical mistakes or the human rebels decided to take over the universe through help of the covenent and puts the UNSC in a bad light or the teacher is actually....[look around] a COVENENT IN DISGUISE!!!! Shocked Shocked Shocked
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's called indoctrination. You ever heard of Hitler and Nazi Germany?
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Imperorator_Jon
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's also called modified cloak! Tommy should throw an apple at him! The hologram will fade and reveal the inner blue monster he is! I pray Tommy get's that covie-lovin' SOB fired, or killed! Hang him! I also think that he should get the bully in a single fell swoop!

I do love his online persona, almost like Lady Jager with proposals.... I hope he gets the online girl. Smile
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent. I do love the way you made that history teacher a mere pawn of the Covenant. My guess is that this is a post-Covenant Conquest fic, correct?

I have one inquiry, though. I think you needed to describe your characters a bit more in detail than you did. Like, facial looks and personality traits through action, not memory, and odd stuff like that. Otherwise, Dagorath, this is probably one of the more better stuff that you chunk out nowadays. Smile
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noobylam
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:03 am    Post subject: Wow! Reply with quote

I didn't know teachers were allowed to teach young kids about classified naval stuff! Also, I didn't know teachers were able to tell young kids about rapist and freaks!

Buddy Confused You sure got a lotta imagination in ya...

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Age of The Helljumpers...

Soon the Spartans will be cut outta the picture and the ODST's will replace them, for they were the:

Quote:
First to Rise, Last to Fall, They do it all, FEET FIRST INTO HELL


I like that quote, forogt who i got it from though Confused OH YEA! I think it was Helljumper1
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Dagorath
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Grus Gott, Rabid. Of COURSE this is set in post-conquest Earth - it's the most popular theme right now, post-H3 Very Happy I see what you mean about the characters.... Then again, this is only the first chapter, so you can't demand too much of me. Then again, advice taken, I'll try to work on them in the next chapter; my biggest problem is that Tommy keeps becoming less geeky as the story goes on. Damn.
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