HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Outlaw six: Countermove

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 4:37 pm    Post subject: Outlaw six: Countermove Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Outlaw six: Countermove
Posted by Andres (andres_vera2000@yahoo.com)
18 May 2006, 12:21 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Andres0518060021551.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Andres
Member


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 151

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings,

I hope you enjoyed this one!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
russ687
Member


Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 720
Location: Daytona Beach, FL

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good job, Andres. I can see that you're steadily improving, so it's nice to see progression out of you. However, you need to proofread your work. Many of the errors were minor (often the wrong word), which leads me to believe that you used a spellchecker but you didn't actually go over it all yourself. If you did do that once, you need to do it twice, because those errors are small and easy to fix.

I only saw a couple formatting errors, which is good, and only a few grammer. The biggest thing for you is to make sure you're using the right words, and in turn check for the coherence of the sentences. Some spots, namely in the dialogue, there were errors that made it confusing. It was still readable, but it didn't flow well and distracted me from the story. Really, all I can do is reiterate proofreading. It's a must.

Otherwise, another good chapter. The situation is very tense, with the Covenant about to attack and the Marines trying to get those orphans out, so you've done an excellent job setting this up. Keep going.

-R
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group