HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Outlaw six: Countermove
Posted by Andres (andres_vera2000@yahoo.com)
18 May 2006, 12:21 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Andres0518060021551.html

Andres · Member Joined: 03 Jan 2005 Posts: 151

Greetings,

I hope you enjoyed this one!

russ687 · Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 3:50 pm Post subject:

Good job, Andres. I can see that you're steadily improving, so it's nice to see progression out of you. However, you need to proofread your work. Many of the errors were minor (often the wrong word), which leads me to believe that you used a spellchecker but you didn't actually go over it all yourself. If you did do that once, you need to do it twice, because those errors are small and easy to fix.

I only saw a couple formatting errors, which is good, and only a few grammer. The biggest thing for you is to make sure you're using the right words, and in turn check for the coherence of the sentences. Some spots, namely in the dialogue, there were errors that made it confusing. It was still readable, but it didn't flow well and distracted me from the story. Really, all I can do is reiterate proofreading. It's a must.

Otherwise, another good chapter. The situation is very tense, with the Covenant about to attack and the Marines trying to get those orphans out, so you've done an excellent job setting this up. Keep going.

-R