HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Acts of War

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 4:36 pm    Post subject: Acts of War Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Acts of War
Posted by Alpha Halo Writer (wsandlin@yahoo.com)
15 May 2006, 2:51 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Alpha_Halo_W0515061451261.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 8:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooh, thin Halo connection here: one word thin, to be exact. If you hadn't mentioned "plasma" then this would seem to relate much, much better to a game like Battlefield 2; what, with the mention of the different ranks and the medics. Speaking of that, where in the heck are the medics in Halo? Or, for that matter, a dagger, axe or arrow? Okay, enough of that. Most poems on here are guilty of thin Halo reference. But one, single word? Oh, I said enough of that. Sorry.

As for the rest, this was okay. You had an interesting structure, but you really didn't say much. "These are acts of war" got pretty redundant and stale. The fact that they are acts of war is painfully obvious, and thus not great poem fodder. Poems are at their worst when they plainly state the obvious. I did not feel moved, enlightened or challenged; and in my opinion, a poem has to do at least one of those things, and preferably all three.

Still, you show some talent for poetry. Perhaps a different subject matter would be a better fit for you. I'll take a look at your other poems.

By the way, it is generally frowned upon to submit more than a couple stories/chapters in a single queue. You had seven. Don't feel bad: when I first showed up, I submitted five short stories all at once. I didn't know any better, and I'm betting you didn't either. Something to keep in mind for next time.

Good to have you here.

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Chiajy
Member


Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 122
Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like another game.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group