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The Last Stand

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:56 pm    Post subject: The Last Stand Reply with quote

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The Last Stand
Posted by High Voltage (BIGLOU402@aol.com)
12 May 2006, 1:37 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=High_Voltage0512060137451.html
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Azathoth
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 578
Location: South Africa. Fooken creatshas.

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it was a bit short. The formatting needs work. The verb tense was all over the place. The plot was one I've seen a few times already. This wasn't irredeemable, though. I'd advise taking a bit more care with your stories.

Edit: Woot! 100 posts! Only about 1,920 more before I can equal MCC! But if in about two and a half years he's made 2000+ posts, and in about six months I've made a hundred posts...ah, screw the math.
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Johny117
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Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 118

PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2006 7:53 am    Post subject: Re: The Last Stand Reply with quote

Uh, in the first paragraph, you began with "He" for almost every sentence. Don't just say "He", make it interesting, like, "The Chief", The Spartan", etc... Y' know? Needs a little work.

And I do believe I've seen that plot in another story somewhere..
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